tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68035937891853278402024-02-20T08:20:34.077-08:00The Chronicles of JenniferEveryone needs an escape, something that clears their heads and saves their sanity. This is my story. Along the way to awesome mothering, I lost the me that I once loved. One of the most important steps in being a great parent, is being a great person. Part of being a great person is loving and accepting yourself. This blog is dedicated to finding me. Follow along my journey of self discovery. A 20-something single mother living in Small Town, USA.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-25420619788547036472014-06-12T16:28:00.001-07:002014-06-16T09:02:39.778-07:00The House That Built Me: Selling houses, Moving North, Saying Goodbye<p dir="ltr">In late 1994 my parents started a mission to build their own house. My mom found an acre of land she liked and purchased it. They also began searching for the right financial institution to loan money from. That is when our journey began. Building got momentarily delayed in early 1995 when my mothers father, my grandpa, suddenly lost his battle with human consciousness.  We flew to California for the funeral and when we got home we resumed building our house.  It is important you understand the time line on these events because a few people seem to think the only reason we built the house was because my mom got a pretty hefty life insurance settlement with her father passed away...but...as you can see things were already in the works. Just to clarify but I digress. <br>
This house took a little over a school year and a half to complete. I was young so that is how I marked it. When we first moved in there were only about 8 houses on our street. Over the last 19 years we have seen this neighborhood flourish. The road is now paved, they hooked the sewer up, and you can also get cable TV! All that stuff seems like not a big deal but I can assure you...it is! <br>
The yard was filled with huge rocks and the driveway was made of mud...but in time we transformed this place into a home. This is the house that built me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">If only these walls could talk. They would tell you about so many late night giggle with friends, the tears from teenage emotions. They would tell you all about the many people who have stepped through the doors. The fights, the hugs, the laughter...this house holds so many of our family secrets and great memories...this is like saying goodbye to an old and very dear friend. <br>
The first night we moved it we sat on the kitchen floor and ate a pizza...I do hope that is how we spend our last. When your childhood home is no longer home...its a very strange feeling. <br>
For those of you who are unaware my parents and I have decided to leave our comfort zone for Nebraska. Why? Well for starters they dont want to leave Hayden but they want to move...so they invited us to go along. Second, this town is everything I've ever dreamt of. It is small, friendly, and they celebrate things the way you see in movies. The school district is in one building! Hayden is going to grow up in a beautiful place. We have a house there and my parents have one right down the street. It will be a new adventure. Im not sure where life will lead us, but I am happy with the direction so far. <br>
My wish is that the family that has bought my childhood home will love it like I did. I hope that they take care of it, make her their own, and confide in her walls. She holds nearly 20 years of our families life, our secrets. I hope she can hold 20 of theirs. </p>
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I learned how to ride a bike on her streets, I met my very first beat friend, I even became educated with her as I went to school in the district. My first kiss was here, my first boyfriend...pretty much every significant thing that has happend to me has happend right here in this town. <br>
The people that I have met here are one of a kind. I have met people who I wish I hadnt, ones that it will break my heart to leave, and others that made me who I am. Though the thing is, I'm merely a shell of a person. There isnt much more I can do here. I've reached my peak in this town. I cannot grow anymore with in these city limits. So naturally thing thing to do is leave. I am a person who loves change. I am constantly challenging myself and taking myself away from all that I find comfortable. <br>
I am going to be leaving the only life ive known. I have built a life here, but please understand that I am not satisfied. I want more. I want somwthing different. <br>
It is so hard to say goodbye. In the next month that is what I will be doing. Saying goodbye to this town and all of you. I will be saying goodbye to my very first home. The place that holds so many memories. I will be leaving with some unkindled friendships and honestly it breaks me...but there isnt much that can be done. <br>
With my heart I have to believe that this is the right move for my little family. I need to believe that. I need to get out of this state. My child will grow up in a small town and he will feel the same way eventually. With the way the world is, I dont mind taking him somewhere where I know he will be safe. <br>
I will miss this place and I will miss all of you so much it will be physically painful. Things will be sketchy at first. I amy not have cell reception for a bit nor will I have internet access...know that when I move I will be in contact as soon as I can. <br>
Before I leave if you are important to me we need to have night out. We need a farewell party. I will come back and visit from time to time, but you never know where life may lead. <br>
So as I pack away over 20 years of memories the magnitude of my decisions is weighing upon me. This is extremely difficult. There are some places I will never visit again once I leave. Like this house. I wont go back, I cant. To see a place I've grown up in being inhabited by strangers, the thought is even to much to bear. So if you see me in these next few weeks and I am in a catatonic state, or am just super emotional...cut me some slack. Life just got real. </p>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-79729915414609211102014-03-23T06:32:00.001-07:002014-03-23T06:36:10.825-07:00Are you there God? It's me, JenniferA few months ago I was a devout Atheist. I was convinced that there was nothing more to this life than what you see. When you die you are either placed 6 feet under or in an urn and that was that. There was no divine intervention, no man upstairs. There just was. I don't believe that I have ever been a "bad" person. I have just had different views on things. To me, for so long, people would make me feel as though since I had those opinions God and I couldn't be on the same page. <br />
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That was wrong.<br />
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I would like to say that since I started working for a faith based organization, that faith came easier for me...this wasn't the case though. If anything it became more difficult. I would see the thing that went on there and listen to what people would talk about. It wasn't any different than any other place I had ever worked. If anything it was worse, if only for the fact that I was holding them to a higher standard due to the type of organization that it was. <br />
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Recently, I noticed myself becoming more and more bitter. I was angry at everyone. Who do you turn to when your heart is filled with hate? Who can you talk to when you don't want to speak to anyone? For some of you faith has come very easily. I use the term easily very loosely. Many people around me were born into a religion. They were raised with it. I was not. Don't misinterpret, my parents and family are wonderful people...we just never went to church. Prayed once a year. <br />
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This past week I have been listening to Christian music, my mood has changed considerably. I have begun to pray as well. I'm not comfortable enough to call myself a Christian again just yet. But I don't believe I fit into the atheist category anymore at this point. I believe I am transitioning. People tend to believe that religion is black and white. You either believe or you don't. It is so much more complex than that. Life is so much more complex than black and white. We live in this beautiful grey area. <br />
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A song that truly began this journey for me was Casting Crowns "Just Another Birthday". For those of you familiar with mine and Haydens story you can see how this song would bring me to my knees. The first time I heard it, the tears were flowing freely. <br />
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"Jesus, can You hear me<br />
Come and heal my brokenness<br />
Put the pieces back together<br />
And be a Father to the fatherless"<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tu6NQ4L01w&list=PLPjpsaM8mU4-qPAoap6FR5ncU0exLdkc_&feature=share&index=2">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tu6NQ4L01w&list=PLPjpsaM8mU4-qPAoap6FR5ncU0exLdkc_&feature=share&index=2</a></div>
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We have been facing some very difficult times lately. I have specifically. I have kept them from Hayden but he will deal with them in a completely different way when he is older. It creates some very big anxiety for me. I believe that any parent would feel this way if faced with similar situations. How can I let him know that it was never his fault and that he is wonderful? I can't do that alone, I need help. So hearing this song by Casting Crowns was a wake up call. Maybe one day I will have a story about finding God that will inspire others, right now...I'm just trying to figure it all out myself. Something I need to remember, that we all need to remember is to not let others shape how we feel about the situation. We have to find Jesus on our own. No matter how you were raised, what church you were brought up in, you have to make the decision on how you believe, how you feel. <br />
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I'm not sure when I will figure it out, if I ever will. Just know that I think I am headed in the right direction for me and Hayden.<br />
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xoxoJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-24141791256171325212014-03-02T10:30:00.000-08:002014-03-02T10:30:03.644-08:00I dreamed a dream...Every single person alive has a dream. Whether or not we achieve them is completely up to us. There is no dream to small or no dream too large, there are just dreams. If we want them we must go after them. Who is to say a dream is unachievable? When we were younger we wanted to be things such as an Astronaut, a veterinarian, a Teacher, Lawyer...you name it and someone out there wanted to be it when they grew up. Somewhere along the lines we all let that go. Well not all but many of us. I wanted to be a Marine Biologist, Veterinarian, Teacher, and Actress...all at the same time. <br />
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My dreams are HUGE, they are astronomical. For one, I intend to lose at least 50 lbs. I will achieve it through hard work and dedication. I'm on my own timeline, no one Else's. That's the thing about dreams, you have to work on them in your own time. People from every direction are either going to encourage you are they are going to bring you down. Very rarely will you ever meet a person who is indifferent towards your dreams. Everyone has an opinion and they feel theirs is the most important one in the world. It's not. Yours is. <br />
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As you all have learned either through your own experiences or someone elses, life tends to throw curve balls like they are going out of style. I couldn't tell you how many of my plans have been detoured due to some unforeseen circumstance...notice I said detoured and not cancelled? You can't let road blocks keep you from the end point. </div>
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Roadblocks, detours, unplanned pregnancies, divorce, fired from your job...whatever you want to call these moments they are what you make them. You can either let that moment define you or you can define the moment. According to statistics I should be living on welfare and in complete poverty, although I am pretty broke I am doing well. Being a single mother without a college degree should be a very scary situation. It was the one that they would try and scare us with in school. Obviously, for me, it became reality. So my goals are this: I am going to go back to school. I will get my degree. When I do, I am going to be even more spectacular than I am right now. </div>
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One day I want to look back on this blog and see the things that I wanted to accomplish, I want to see what I planned for my life, I want to be reminded of my dreams. I hope that at that point in time I will have achieved a few of them. We all have circumstances that are less than ideal. We need to use them in our favor. I want a new opportunity. I want to wake up someplace completely different and yet beautiful. I tend to write my blog entries from my living room couch and occasionally gazing out the window. Right now there is a glorious thunderstorm brewing in the background. That kind of stuff gets my creative juices flowing. One day I want to look out my window and instead of seeing trees and wooded areas I want to see the ocean. I want to hear the waves pounding the shore. I want to smell the salt floating in the air. That is another dream. <br />
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Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-19152454898881318952014-01-07T17:09:00.000-08:002014-01-07T17:09:27.764-08:00Turbofire day 2: feeling goodToday marks two days into the 20 week turbofire challenge! I just finished up the second workout of the week. Turbo Fire 30 class. It is probably one of the easier classes in the system that I have done. It's definitely the shortest...I think. Man I felt everything though. My heart is racing! In a good way though. My lung are on fire and all. It is such a nice feeling to exercise. It is an acquired feeling though. You don't like it all the time, I think you learn to love it though. I have no clue how to use my heart rate monitor though...oh well. I can't tell how many calories I have burnt but I can see my heart rate and the recovery score. Which I'll just be honest...it's a 6. I'm not sure the scale they use but I know it tells me that I am at a "poor" score right now. It's ok, I'll improve! <br />
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It has been 7 full days since I last had a soda. I feel so much better. I haven't really craved one either. I have been drinking at least 70 oz of water a day and I'll have a glass of milk or tea as well. Overall I think I am doing much better on that front. <br /><br />I am a work in progress. I am so glad that some of you are along to see my journey. I have done this before, but it wasn't the right way. It was a quick fix to a long term problem. This time I am doing it right. This is going to be my new life. I can't wait to show you everything that I am going to accomplish. <br /><br />This weekend I am climbing my mountain again. tomorrow is a rest day I believe, so I am just going to go for a walk. That seems easy enough. If you have any questions on how I am doing this please comment, shoot me an email, message me on facebook...I'm around.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.facebook.com/thechroniclesofjennifer">www.facebook.com/thechroniclesofjennifer</a><br />
<a href="http://www.instagram.com/effin_fab_fitness">www.instagram.com/effin_fab_fitness</a><br />
<a href="http://www.twitter.com/effin_fabulous">www.twitter.com/effin_fabulous</a><br />
<a href="mailto:madamejenn88@gmail.com">madamejenn88@gmail.com</a><br />
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Lets do this together <br />
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xoxoJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-7318429581361856182014-01-04T15:24:00.001-08:002014-01-04T15:24:46.602-08:00The Journey of a lifetime starts with one small stepBeginning on Monday, I am joining my very first challenge group. I am pretty excited about it. Looking at myself in the mirror is soon going to be something I am not afraid of! That thought alone is simply enough to help me get by. Just the knowledge that I am going to be doing something, and I'm not going to be doing it alone makes me extremely happy. <br /><br />
In other news, I have not had a soda all year! Now I know that we are only four days in...but hey small steps climb mountains. I am feeling so optimistic about this year and I hope it is contagious. <br />
To begin my journey I am going to be doing the BeachBody program: TurboFire. It is a kick ass workout that gets you so energized. I have an entire 20 week schedule that I intend to finish all the way through! As for a meal plan, I just really intend to cut out a lot of the crap. I figure the only way this lifestyle change is going to stick is if I keep it as real as possible. The goal is to get and remain as healthy as I can. Therefore I am not going to lie to myself and say I am going to eat correctly all the time. My goal is 80/20. <br />
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Have you ever really stopped to think about death? Lately I have, whether it be by something I have seen on tv or read in a book, I can't get it out of my mind. The thought of me doing something that could result in my untimely death is sickening. That is why this is so important to me. That is why my fitness and health is going to be one of my top priorities this year. Now I am aware that every single year every person in America makes the resolution of losing weight or getting healthy. If you don't believe that I will stick with it then I invite you to stick around. I intend to lose 50 lbs this year, maybe more. If I don't then I will gift three lucky people a months supply of Shakeology. The only thing to qualify is you must follow me on social media. You can start with this blog.<br />Instagram: <a href="http://www.instagram.com/effin_fab_fitness">www.instagram.com/effin_fab_fitness</a><br />Facebook: <a href="http://www.facebook.com/thechroniclesofjennifer">www.facebook.com/thechroniclesofjennifer</a><br />
twitter: <a href="http://www.twitter.com/effin_fabulous">www.twitter.com/effin_fabulous</a><br />
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So follow me along on my journey, if I fail it could be your gain. Tell your friends. Get them to follow me as well. Hold me accountable. The more people that follow along the more I will raise the stakes.<br />
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xoxo<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-63622324586372368532014-01-01T06:50:00.001-08:002014-01-01T06:50:41.950-08:002013 part deauxHappy 2014! It is the first day of the new year. As you saw with my last entry, so much has happened. There really aren't many words left to explain the year...so I have included some pictures that will help me along the way. They are not in chronological order<br />
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To end a year of much effort at work, we have a fun little party for the BEST Champions...as you can see...we played lots of fun games. Just so you know, I did get it in my mouth.</div>
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After the party we went to lunch. This girl has quickly became one of my really good friends. She is one of the people who saved me from myself. I owe her a lot. </div>
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This year I turned 25! Hooray for cheaper car insurance!!! These are my party peeps :)</div>
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This is at Haydens 4th birthday party. </div>
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(Above) My Aunt Dianne. (Below) my Neighbor Emma. We lost these two wonderful women in 2013, Less than 3 months apart no less. Their absence has been felt far wide. Not a day goes by that I don't think of one of them. Treasure people in your life...life is far to short to take for granted. Tell people you love them, show them you care...remember them always.</div>
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This year was a very trying year in friendships for me. There comes a point where you cut ties with those you never thought you would. Now this isn't a "pity me" comment or anything, I am just telling you how it is. You grow apart from people. Things happen and even the best of friends become strangers. it is a way of life. No one is immune. Do I hold any ill feelings? Not anymore. I am the type who loves unconditionally. I wish those who aren't in my life anymore the best. I hope they have great things in store for themselves. Life goes on.</div>
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Little Rock had it's first ever Gay Pride Parade!!! This is a picture of me and my sister while attending! I credit her for my open mind. If it wasn't for her I think this family would have caved to the southern republican ways. She didn't know she created a crazy liberal monster...well...she knows now :)</div>
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I have worked with amazing people over this year. I can't post pictures of them all but I have amazing co-workers. They have really helped me find myself this year. I became a stronger woman because of their influence. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOkIu99rj2TScZclJp95feDcV06xuCLgcAQ9Pl_uGdCoxK9xbeo-D4myWuYJVTEa8Jrya2QmdlqHM1CSCAxe1gHaTIhovmz4GaGHsulGVr469H1POJpDj9Kb7yJgPKirMmFcHaue9Tgw8/s1600/mountaint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOkIu99rj2TScZclJp95feDcV06xuCLgcAQ9Pl_uGdCoxK9xbeo-D4myWuYJVTEa8Jrya2QmdlqHM1CSCAxe1gHaTIhovmz4GaGHsulGVr469H1POJpDj9Kb7yJgPKirMmFcHaue9Tgw8/s320/mountaint.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This year, I not only moved mountains, I climbed them. Like I said, 2013 held a lot of personal growth for me. It was about being comfortable in my skin, loving myself, finding myself. It isn't the tallest mountain but you feel amazing at the top. There is something so magical about the sweat, possible blood, and the aching muscles that you have when you reach the top. That is MY mountain, I will become even better acquainted with it this year. So be prepared...I am going to take a picture at the top ever single month.</div>
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I found I had a hobby that I never knew I possessed. I love painting. Turns out, I'm somewhat decent at it as well. I never thought I could. You put yourself into a box of what you can and can't do, and it limits your knowledge of yourself. I always thought I was the "unartistic" friend. I had no niche. My other friends were the painters, photographers, marathon runners...but I had nothing. This past year, I found out that we can share hats. You never know what you are capable of until you try. You also never know what you will like until you attempt it. Well..the marathon runners still can have their hat for now. But In 2015 I'm coming after it!</div>
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In conclusion 2013 was the most difficult, most painful, but surprisingly most rewarding year I have had so far. I have had so many personal triumphs that cannot be overlooked. I have broken down the walls of my usual comfort zone. I discovered the woman that was blocked by toxic people. I am pretty darn snazzy if I do say so myself.</div>
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I know this blog was even less put together than previous ones...but so was this year. Life doesn't go in the order you originally plan for it. It doesn't always make sense. You just have to go with the flow. Write it down when you can, take pictures every chance you get, and don't forget to smile. </div>
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I love you all. I hope you stick around to see what happens with life in 2014.</div>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-90042776611949645522013-12-29T07:38:00.000-08:002013-12-29T07:38:01.660-08:002013 PT 1I started off 2013 with such high ambition. It was going to be MY year. I was going to be an awesome mom, I was going to rock the corporate world, and I was going to make time for friends. I brought in the New Year with friends and my son. It was really fun. For the first time in nearly 4 years I actually stayed up until midnight. I normally just DVR the ball dropping and watch it the next day. Hey, I'm a mom it's allowed! Later that month I went out to a club/Bar for the first time really, ever. It was fun. Drank too much, Danced too much, lost a few games of pool. Woke up the next day feeling awful. I have had less than 5 true hangovers in my life, that being one of them. Overall it was a blast. <br />
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That night I danced with a boy in my drunken stupor and even ended up kind of dating him for the first few months of the year. It was a quick but fun little time of life. It was more of a friendship than anything "romantic" which makes things easier to be happy about later on. So to you, mystery guy, if you read my blog then thanks. Even though I swore I hated you for a bit in actuality you were an asset to the year and I wish you the best. </div>
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Moving forward.</div>
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My little mini monster got his first taste of organized sports this year as well. If you don't have children then I assure you the cutest thing is seeing 5-8 children running around in a tiny uniform. They don't keep score when you are that small, which is good because his team was terrible. I am not sure soccer is our sport, but we will keep trying until we can find one that he likes. If we don't...we will eventually find something!</div>
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As for a personal accomplishment of my own, this year I completed the Warrior Dash, my time would probably make some of you athletes cry...but I finished it. It was one of the most difficult things I think I have ever done, but I did it. I can't wait to do it again in 2014. Here is a picture of Ashley and I after we finished the race. You get a complimentary beer upon completion...even though it wasn't my choice brand, after that it tasted heavenly.</div>
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In June, Hayden and I went to Colorado with my parents. It was my first real vacation since I was a teenager. It was a bit emotional for me because my grandparents were there too. Which wasn't the sad part. Living so far away and being a single mom I am often limited on funds. When you get older you realize the people around you are getting older as well and you never know when you will see them next. I hope I get more visits, but the God's honest truth is you never really know.</div>
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Above is Hayden and mom on the trolley, or as he kept calling it "Charlie".</div>
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I believe this is Hayden and I in Utah, but It may be New Mexico...Honestly it all looked the same in the Four corners...I mean...it kind of is supposed to.</div>
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The Condo we stayed in did not have a blow dryer...and I forgot to bring one. It was probably the best week of my hairs life. Hayden and I went swimming and as you can see...Mommy burns!</div>
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The Panoramic view from in front of the Condo. Colorado is beautiful guys, I highly Recommend everyone visiting.</div>
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Me and the parentals waiting on the Gun Show to start. Not muscles...like actual Cowboys and guns...in a Saloon</div>
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Overall, I do believe that Colorado is a place that Hayden and I will try to visit a few more times in our lifetimes. My skin, my hair, my everything was so much better. The air there was amazing. Even though it was summer, it felt heavenly.</div>
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June was a just a really fun month for me..also pretty sad. But we will get around to that. In June we also went to the circus! It wasn't quite as fun as the circus' from my childhood...but I was glad that I was able to take my parents to their very first circus. It is a memory I will remember forever. It helped that I got us some awesome seats too. This was the same month that one of my very best friends moved about an hour away. SO...it was a bittersweet month indeed.</div>
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Another birthday came and went for my baby boy. I can't believe that he has reached 4 so quickly. It seems like yesterday that he was a 6 lb baby who needed me to take care of his every need. Now, he has found independence, which I know is a good thing. Everyday my love for him grows so much more. Everyday he teaches me something new about life. He is my breath of fresh air. <br />
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-2950288056040339152013-12-14T17:41:00.001-08:002013-12-14T17:42:02.669-08:00The snowball effect<p dir=ltr>It occurred to me tonight that no matter what life throws at me, I'm gonna be ok. You may have noticed a trend in this blog. It is a lot of me saying uplifting things to myself...repeatedly. This entry will be no different.  <br>
While watching tv tonight, I noticed a faint snoring sound coming from the other end of the sofa. It appeared as though my little monster had given up on this day and succumbed to slumber. I went over to pick him up and he wrapped his little arms around my neck. The complete blind faith that he had in me to get him safely from point a, the couch, to point b, his bed, was not lost in me. This caused me to think about the last time that I trusted someone some blindly and with so much faith. <br>
This thought, as with many others, always creates a snowball effect on self discoveries. A friend, who meant no harm at all, also helped me realize something. The jist of our conversation was that my first response to hearing relationship problems is a "no nonsense" type. If someone makes a mistake, if there is a major fight, if anything occurs I am the type that says screw it and moves on...which isn't always a bad thing. Mixed with the lack of blind faith and trust though...it poses a problem. <br>
Had I put a little more effort, gave it a little more time, would any of my previous relationships still be current? I honestly hope not. It does make one wonder though. In life, I believe, that everything you do creates an alternate path. There Is the one choice you made and the next that you didn't. An alternate universe if you will. Which poses the question, what would alternate universe me be like? Would she be married? Would she have a child? Would she wonder about how spectacular her life would have been if she made the opposite choice?<br>
There are few decisions in my life that I regret, but they do exist. My life has been no walk in the park and it continues to have its share of shitty situations. Which brings me to the first line in this entry, no matter what life throws at me I'm going to be ok. We can choose to live in the "what if's" and think about every single way that we have failed or we haven't tried hard enough...but there are rarely any do-overs in life. You kinda just have to take what you've got, the sitiation that you have, and just roll with it. <br>
I may be a 25 year old single mom who has yet to finish her college degree. Who has yet to find the man of her dreams. Who has yet to become fully comfortable in her own skin...but I'm ok with that. <br>
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Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-85873502666931960312013-12-07T18:11:00.001-08:002013-12-14T16:39:29.077-08:00The ugly truth<p dir=ltr>There is very little more annoying than looking at old pictures and seeing all the damage you have done to yourself. For me it is especially difficult because I am having to lose the same weight that I lost a mere two years ago. When I first began this blog I was a cheat. I took adepex and that is how I lost all that weight, well here I am two years later with nearly all of it back. The moral of that is it is true what they say...diet and exercise is the only sure way to lose weight and keep it off. <br>
I'm not referring to dieting until the weight comes off, I mean an entire life style change. This year for Christmas I have allowed myself to be a little on the selfish side. I have purchased Turbofire and the entire Zumba program. <br>
With the help of some friends and a new outlook on it, I am going to rid myself of this extra weight once and for all. I have no intention of ever seeing the scale with those numbers ever again. Which leads me into my firat proposition...<br>
After the first of the year,  I am tossing my scale. It is a mean little device that has only one purpose in life and that is to reduce confident, strong, and beautiful people into self-loathing jerkfaces. I use the term jerk-face out of love...because honestly, that is what we become. We get focused on the number and we get downright hateful to our bodies. These amazing things that turn caloric intake into fuel to keep us going, that absorbs vitamin D from pure sunlight, our bodies are works of art. <br>
I am probably one of the worst people in my life. No one holds a candle to how I talk to myself. I am disrespectful,  ungrateful, resentful,  and more than one kind of degrading.  If I spoke to someone. else the way that I spoke to myself...I could not only get my ass kick, but surly someone would press charges.  Why do you think we do that? No one has ever told me I was to fat, except for me. <br>
To be honest, I can count the number of times someone (not including myself) has made negative remarks about my weight on my hands. Out of 25 years, those are pretty good numbers. Most people tend to tell me that I am beautiful,  that I am amazing, and that they wish they could have some one of my features. Yet, negative Nancy that I am, I constantly beat myself up over this bodily dismorphia that I have created inside.  <br>
Every year I make the exact same resolution: to lose weight and to love myself...obviously I have failed everytime becuase I am still going to that goal. This year will be different though, because I have all of you. My main support. The ones who lift me up when I fall down. The ones who shower me with compliments when all I want to is hide in a dark room where no one can see me  and most importantly for you that refuse to let me wallow in self pity and move me to get up and be the person that you all fell in love with. <br>
A friend once told me that I inspired her to be fabulous. It is one of the greatest compliments that I have ever received.  I, myself, have forgotten what it feels like to think yourself fabulous. In 2014 I am going to remember, this isn't just about fitting into a smaller pant size or the size of my cheeks when I smile,  its about falling in love with myself.  It's about inspiring people to feel fabulous.  It's about leaving a positive influence to the world. It's about loving the skin yhat you are in. <br>
I plan on blogging more during the upcoming year, holding myself more accountable.  Charting my progress, and showing people that if I can do Iran, anyone can. In my personal life I agve had to demonstrate my strength on moreover than one occasion.  I can do this. So long as I want to, I can accomplish anything. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Xoxo</p>
<p dir=ltr>***authors note: this entry was written via my cell phone. If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors then I wouldn't be surprised. I don't have auto correct, just annoying predict-a-text, and these buttons are rather small.****</p>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-41010629872678495992013-10-19T05:42:00.001-07:002013-10-19T05:45:10.230-07:00Why I refuse to be pinkwashed this year<p dir=ltr>Call me bitter if you will, and maybe I am. Do the math. Lets just say that to register for the race it will cost you 25 dollars. Multiply that by say...25,000 people that is over 600,000 dollars for just that. Not to mention all the fundraising those 25,000 people may do plus the merchandise on sale.  So from one race, just ONE race the Susan G komen foundation pulls in nearly 1 million dollars. Now multiply that by the number of races they have and I ask you...where is this money going? After all these years are they any closer to finding a cure?!  <br>
Like I said, I'm bitter. What about all the other aggressive and deadly cancers?! Ovarian and colon to just name a few. Why do we not have bigger fundraisers for them? Instead of a breast cancer walk why do we not just have a cancer walk?! Furthermore...St.Jude. why do we not willingly shell out billions of dollars a year to them?! I donate regularly to the hospital, because they dont sugar coat where the money goes. You know that when you give money to St. Jude it is so that a parent at the worst time in their life doesn't have to worry about a single expense while their child is there. The money that goes for Susan G Komen won't be there for me if I ever get breast cancer. <br>
Breast cancer awareness is very important. I agree. What I don't agree with is how they seem to have the monopoly over cancer research funds. Why can't we work together to obliterate cancers of all kinds? It took doctors less than a week to find the healing remedy for a fast acting bacterial menegitus and save a girl. Less than a week. So in all these years an entire team hasn't been able to figure out cancer?  I just dont buy it anymore.  <br>
If you have had or currently have breast cancer I do feel for you, and I know that the support that is felt from races like this is very uplifting to someone who has been there. I get it. I just don't get why we haven't heard a breakthrough yet. Why people are still dying? Why awareness isnt being brought to more? Why mammograms are being pushed back to every few years and the same with paps? I just dont understand. And dont you dare blame It on obamacare bc that will only solidify the ignorance of the American people. <br>
I do hope you all have a grand time, but be sure to ask yourself if you know where your money is really going. </p>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-41534935202943420462013-10-15T16:41:00.001-07:002013-10-15T16:41:30.102-07:00Finding Cinderella by Colleen Hoover<p dir=ltr>In this book we learn a little more about Daniel and Six; who are Skye and Holders best friends. This book could be read as a stand alone, but you will feel more connected with the Characters if you read Hopeless and Finding Hope first. Ok so lets dive in! <br>
The first chapter gives us the background for the book. It is where you fiest fall in love with Daniel. In Finding Hope you already kind of love him for what he does for Holder in the Cafeteria (if you haven't read it, seriously...you should) but the way he is there for her when he has no idea who she even is? ! There is just something spectacular about that. <br>
Skip forward to where they first officially meet. They dont know that they've already met a year ago. I dont want to give to much away. Its one of those books that isnt to long so you breeze through it. Unlike a lot of novellas you dont feel rushed though.  It gives you just enough to where you are satisfied, but with all of Colleens books you want more. <br>
This woman is an amazing writer. I may be a tad bit biased though because Hopeless was my first kindle book. In any case she puts so much humor and feels in her books that you connect almost immediately with the characters. With Finding Cinderella there were plenty of times that I literally laughed out loud. The moment he is telling Holder and the dinner gang that he and Six are dating. He talks about the fact that she fist bumped him and its not his fault he fell for her because she fist bumped him. He had no choice. I mean, it was hilariously cute. <br>
This is one of those books where you will catch yourself smiling like a moron, wiping away a few tears, and getting completely blown away. You will fall in love with Daniel. You will fall in love with his family. But most of all this book only helps you fall in love with Colleen Hoovers writing even more. If you haven't read any other of her books be prepared because you will be hooked and you will read more. <br>
So go download it today. It's FREE! So even if you haven't traveled through Skye and Holders story with the rest of us you can jump aboard with Finding Cinderella. </p>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-70375870545030724362013-09-22T09:51:00.001-07:002013-09-22T09:51:28.247-07:00Into my advice pool we diveEveryone has their own journey. Whether it be infertility, weight loss, finding love, finding yourself...we are all dealing with something. As human beings we are naturally wired with jealousy. It's natural. What you do to deal with that is entirely based upon your character as a human being. You can choose to bury it, display it, or completely let it destroy you. <br />My story is one of finding myself and finding love. Everyday that I log on to Facebook I can either let my jealousy destroy me, I can show my ass, or I can hit the like button and let it die. It seems like for the last few months straight, every time I log on someone is either newly engaged, planning their wedding, or their wedding pictures are being posted. Now, I am truly happy for each and every person, but part of me wonders, "Why not me?". That isn't their fault though, so instead of letting bitterness take over, I tap my finger on the thumbs up and send a congratulations...because I do like it and I do wish them the best. <br />
What brings up todays blog is the many of you that let the hatred of others happiness build, those of you who only keep people around when they are down and when they get raised up you bail. I cannot count how many of you flock to those when they struggle, only to abandon them when life is good. I see you. The person you flock to may not see your true intentions...but I do. I. See. You. <br />
If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all...that is a phrase that our parents and teachers have been instilling in our memories since we learned to write our own name. Yet....it is the one we least follow. I have learned that on the internet it is so much worse. People tend to think that if they are behind the safety of their computer screen they can let their inner demon out. The person on the other end of that screen is still a person. They have feelings. Even if you've never met them before, they matter and they hurt with every vial word you say.<br />
So when you see something and you have nothing nice to say about it...keep scrolling. Don't make an ass out of yourself and try to ruin someone's happiness. We need to lift others up, not fight tooth and nail to bring them down. I challenge you all to be NICE this week. When you feel the need to voice a negative opinion on something that someone says...don't. When you want to comment or send messages saying that they are undeserving...don't. Maybe, now I am a huge believer in the Karma, Maybe by your bitterness your happiness is wavering. By your rudeness to others, the cosmos are preventing you from feeling the happiness you are trying to destroy. If you want good, you much do good. <br />Remember that people aren't always as strong as they claim, even the most stable person can still let words cut through them. The words "you never know who may be fighting a harder battle than you" are completely true; and just because you are struggling...don't be an asshole.<br />
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Famous words of wisdom from yours truly: Don't be an asshole.<br />
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Live them, learn them, love them. Life is to short.Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-53514740106073052892013-08-11T10:31:00.000-07:002013-08-11T10:31:02.981-07:00Thanks for the Memories<div style="text-align: center;">
This weekend the big yard/garage sales took place along highway 64, which brings back so many memories for me. Four years ago my sister, my mom, and I piled into my moms little blue car and started down the highway. It was nearly an all day event. It was no easy task for a full-term pregnant woman to complete. By the end of the day I was swollen, exhausted, and for lack of a better word...a complete bitch. </div>
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The date was August 15, 2009. My due date was the 27th. My sister took this photo and uploaded it on her facebook to let the world know just how grumpy I was, and probably to gain a few laughs. As you can see, I was largely pregnant and clearly exhausted. </div>
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The next day I had a friends baby shower to attend. I was still very tired and slightly grumpy...but I pulled myself together for her special day. Upon entering her home, her husband took one look at me and said, and I quote, "Do NOT go into labor in my house." Of course we all laughed at this comment and went about our business. I had so much fun at her shower. </div>
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I can remember around 4pm I started to feel slightly uncomfortable and the cramping began. Being my first pregnancy I didn't think to much of it. I finished the shower without saying at word to anyone, then headed home. I remember being on facebook laying on my bed and chatting with my friend, whose baby shower that I previous attended, and she told me I was in labor...I of course did not believe her. She had told me earlier that week that she thought I would have him before Monday. It's very neat that this whole event is chronicled on facebook. </div>
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My mom came to pick me up around 10:30 that night and we headed to the hospital. When we got there I was dilated 1cm. By this time I was having very strong contractions that were less than 5 minutes apart and lasted about a minute long. The nurse took pity on me and told me to walk around the hospital and see if it helped me dilate more. A little before 2 am she checked again and I was only at 1.5cm but fully effaced. So she admitted me. Not that we were going anywhere. I remember asking her for Tylenol and she tried to stifle a laugh saying it wouldn't really help, but she handed me them anyways (Just so you know, getting a Tylenol in a hospital is like 10 dollars a freaking pill and they WILL bill your insurance for it) </div>
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Mom stood by my side all night long. I will admit there were times where I was less than pleasant to her. I got downright snotty more than once. Around 6am they gave me a shot of some useless pain med that didn't stop the pain, but stopped you from being able to clearly voice your discomfort. Demerol (sp?). Apparently I got pretty funny at this point. I was soon hooked up to oxygen because apparently I wasn't getting enough on my own. Which of course made the bill go up even more! Breathe ladies breathe! My dad reached the hospital around 7ish and my sister was there by 8. I don't think Haydens dad showed up until around 8 as well. Finally feeling some relief around 7:30 when I got my epidural, I think I may have taken a brief nap...but who can say for sure. </div>
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At 9:57 on August 17th, 2009 my little monster was born. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice and thank god the nurses did all their BEST (Baptist joke) otherwise who knows if he be here today. His heart rate was rapidly dropping and I was only at an 8 so (not going to go into to much detail) they got me to a ten and started the pushing process.</div>
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That was 4 years ago. Since giving birth to a bouncing baby boy life has changed so much. For the better. No I am not where I hoped I would be. I am not living where I want, I'm not on the life path that I want...but I love where I'm at. When times get rough and I am tempted to pull my hair out, I remember that weekend. The weekend everything changed. I am still not to my pre-pregnancy weight, I have stretch marks, and more cellulite than I care to think about. </div>
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My life is now soccer games, bedtime stories, legos, and superheroes. Half the time I can't remember what I ate the night before, but I can tell you exactly what happened on Haydens first trip to the ER. I can tell you about the time we weathered our first tornado storm alone. I can tell you exactly what I felt on the first day I went to work after he was born, the first visit with his dad, the last visit with his dad. I can tell you what he wore home from the hospital. I can tell you all sorts of things that have happened since August 17th, 2009, all sorts of things about him. </div>
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Hayden has been potty trained for over a year now, he has slept in his "big boy" bed for nearly two. Every single day that passes this little guy exceeds my every expectation. </div>
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You learn a lot about yourself when you become a parent. Everything you know is tested. Every theory you had is proven wrong...nothing stays the same. If you are lucky, you have people to help you along the way. People who will say "Hey, let us watch him for a little bit and you go out and just have some mental health time." or ones that say "Yea, you are completely normal for thinking and feeling that way, sometimes life is overwhelming. It will get better. It's just a phase.". My child has truly molded me into a different person, a better person. I only hope that one day he will say the same about me. That I will do a good job, make him proud, and teach him right. </div>
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Four years is not a long time, it is a tiny speck in the grand scheme of time. In that time I have raised a boy who is loving, kind, compassionate, friendly, and so much more. I hope that he carries that with him forever. I want to look back on my life and know that although I screwed up with so much, he wasn't one of my mistakes. That I did the best I possibly could with him. It's been difficult and as he gets older it will continue to become more difficult. It breaks my heart every time he says "I don't have a daddy" or "I wish I had a daddy". It breaks my heart when he wants something that I can't give him. Every time he cries, I want to cry. This little boy has been through so much already and he has no idea. I can only hope that I will do something right and it won't affect him much as he grows older. That he knows that no matter what happens, he as a mother who would walk through fire for him, that would give up everything to make him happy, and who feels beyond blessed to have the opportunity to be there every step of the way. </div>
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So, Happy (early) birthday baby. Mommy Loves you</div>
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<br />Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-38011463326823025372013-06-01T10:20:00.001-07:002013-06-01T10:36:43.458-07:0030 things to do before I am 30Alright. Here is the rough draft to my list. There are more than 30 things on it but some of them can count as the same. <div><br></div><div>1. Run a marathon</div><div>2. Go on a real vacation every year </div><div>3. Go back to college</div><div>4. Clean up my credit</div><div>5. Buy a house</div><div>6. Lose 50 lbs and be fit</div><div>7. bungee jump</div><div>8. Get my half sleeve dream tattoo</div><div>9. Go on a cruise</div><div>10. Swim with dolphins</div><div>11. Fall in real, consuming, can't live without each other love</div><div>12. Visit Washington DC and all the national landmarks there</div><div>13. Read every book in the Rory Gilmore book challenge </div><div>14. Sing Karaoke</div><div>15. Go somewhere out of this country </div><div>16. Complete the Tough Mudder</div><div>17. Go to a Superbowl</div><div>18. Climb a real mountain </div><div>19. Go skinny dipping </div><div>20. Go on a hot air balloon ride</div><div>21. Attend Mardi gras</div><div>22. Bring in a new year in Times Square</div><div>23. Perform a striptease </div><div>24. Go on a "girls" trip once a year </div><div>25. Write a book (even if it never gets published)</div><div>26. Go on a ghost hunters trip</div><div>27. Watch a NASCAR race live</div><div>28. Travel somewhere alone</div><div>29. Try to surf</div><div>30. Wear a bikini</div><div>31. White water rafting</div><div>32. Zip lining </div><div>33. Learn to drive a motorcycle</div><div>34. Get a concealed weapons license </div><div>35. Go swimming in the rain</div><div>36. Visit all of the Disney Parks in the world</div><div>37. Say goodbye to social media...for good *gasp!* </div><div>38. Learn to water ski</div><div>39. Stay up all night finding constellations </div><div>40. Go camping a few times every summer</div><div>41. Cut down my own Christmas tree</div><div>42. Buy a really good camera</div><div>43. Be happy with myself </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-79594179295625618392013-01-01T14:53:00.001-08:002013-01-01T14:53:41.124-08:00The romance of a new yearThe first day of the year always holds so much promise, so many possibilities. It also holds so many failed attempts. All those resolutions you made the year before that never made it past March. Looking back over 2012, I had a pretty great year. <br />
When there is good there is bad. I will not dwell on that part of the year though. Everything that happens is a learning experience if you choose to see the lesson. I wrecked my car: bad. My divorce was final:good. I made the choice to begin dating again after a year long break...Good. <br />
Of course, as you know from all my precious entries, I tend to get blinded by a pretty smile and good looks. The good thing about every dating experience you have is that it teaches you what you want, what you don't want, what you new to change, and so much more. I would like to thank the one person I dated last year, he reminded me that I am capable of letting someone in and deeply caring for someone. Also, that I am not immune from that burn of a chipped heart. It's refreshing to remember emotions that you blocked out for so long. <br />
I am in love with the idea of love, but I refuse to be its victim. I have entered every relationship blindly. This year I plan to be prepared with the guards up a but. The relationship that I am most excited for this year, is the one I intend on forming with myself. My main goal this year is to fall in love with me.<br />
For at least 14 years I have resented something about myself. Whether it be I am a bigger girl, my hair, my skin, my clothing, voice...whatever you name it . I have made judging myself and holding myself to a super high unrealistic expectation on what I think I should be. I am not, nor will I ever be a girl that can wear a bikini in public. So why should I want the body for one? Am I really trying to lose weight for me, or just because I think that men won't find me attractive? <br />
This year I am going to cut myself a break. I am going to devote one day a week where I don't put on any make up or do my hair. I may even post a picture on Facebook every day because why not? Everyone sees me for what I really am, except for me. You all can clearly see that I am not a size 4. You can see that my face will always behold the chubby cheeks of my childhood. You can see that...so why do I feel the need to hide it? No clue, but it stops today. So here is to one entire year of makeup less Thursdays. <br />
I have other resolutions but that is my main one. I think at this point in time it is the most important one. <br />
I'm not sure what will happen during this upcoming year, I do know that I will take why I learned from my experiences last year and I will use them as a reference point for the current year and current situations. Maybe this will be the year of love for me, maybe it will be the year or me having a social life. Who knows, each new year is a new beginning. A new chance to do something different. <br />
I may not know what to expect this year, but I do know this...by the end of this year I will be a better person. Mark my words. Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-89105379402752417202012-11-12T03:21:00.001-08:002012-11-12T15:15:44.074-08:00My advice pool-eJust like you can't judge a relationship by the end result. Many people, including myself, see a happily married couple and begin to drool with envy. It's so easy to overlook what a couple has been through compared to where they are. The truth is many of them have struggled to get where they are. Falling in love, forming a lasting relationship, building a marriage, it all takes work that is easy to look over. <br />
My best friend has a wonderful marriage and a husband that really is her other half. I won't put all her business out there but it wasn't an overnight journey to achieve that. They had problems, but they built on them . When I look for a partner, I often use her relationship as a reference point. The problem with this is I look at the right now, not the whole story. I want the perfect match and soul mate from the start off. <br />
Also, what some will put up with in a relationship, others won't. How do we decide who is worth fighting for and who isn't? Here are a few things I have learned from my many failed relationships. Hopefully you will learn from them too.<br />
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1. If you say or think it will fail, it will. <br />
I am notorious for saying phrases like "your next girlfriend" or "if you keep me around", although sometimes I am joking many others I'm not. I am fishing. From what I've noticed...never a good move. <br />
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2. If you've been dating them for less than two months and they start talking about spending forever with you...don't believe it. This happens so much now days. At two months you don't even know each other. How can someone want to spend forever with you if they haven't even spent the night? Which brings me to my next point.<br />
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3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have sex with them until you have been in an exclusive relationship for at least 90 days. Trust me, if a notch on his belt is what he's after he won't wait that long. As Steve Harvey puts it, you don't qualify for benefits at work until 90 says so you shouldn't give benefits until then. <br />
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4. Don't settle. In the beginning of every relationship you notice things you don't like about a person, they often get overlooked for various reasons. Stop that. Go with your gut, if it tells you something isn't right then it's not. When you overlook their flaws they get the upper hand and you end up heart broken. <br />
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Every relationship is different. Does that mean these simple rules will work for you? No, but it wouldn't hurt to try them. These are a few mistakes that I have made in my relationships. More to come because I have made so many. Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-25126851828084990092012-11-09T04:34:00.001-08:002012-11-10T11:59:41.865-08:00Act like a lady, think like a man.If there is one thing I can emphasize to all the women out there who are dating it is read all the self help books you can. Don't follow them verbatim but it is beneficial to at least read them. My two personal favorites are: He's Just Not That Into You and Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. Both have been made into movies for your viewing pleasure.<br />
I say that reading these are important because, although every relationship is different and their are a few exceptions to the rule, most of us do fit into the category of the rule. One thing that both of those books stress is to trust your gut. Many of us (most) don't listen to this. I know I am guilty of it every time I date. You get that feeling where they do something you don't like and you look past it as maybe it will change or maybe it's not what you think...it's always what you think. <br />
In Steve Harvey's book he stresses the fact that you cannot change a man. A man will only change for one woman and chances are if you are unhappy, you're not the woman. <br />
One thing I have personally learned about myself is that I date jerks. I have discovered the reasoning behind it as well. I don't think I deserve guys that have a lot to offer. If they own their own house, have a degree, a decent job, I feel as though I am not good enough. Which in reality those are the guys I should aim for. The more reason women date jerks is they don't think high enough about themselves. Well it's time I start thinking more of myself. Start seeing me how others see me. <br />
I am letting my friends pick my dates from now on. This should be interesting. I will blog about the adventures. Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-86408980065731138512012-08-16T18:17:00.000-07:002012-08-16T18:17:24.286-07:00Keeper of the StarsThe most important day of my life is in just a few hours. (August 17th 9:57am) I'm both excited and sad. It seems so surreal that just 3 years ago I gave birth to the person who would change my entire life. Words cannot explain how much that little boy means to me, not entirely. I do believe that a single parents love for their child is much stronger than a married couples. Now before all you married folks out there get your knickers in twist, allow me to explain. I am both mother and father to my son. Which means I have a mothers and a fathers love. Married parents don't have that kind of love. They have one or the other because they have the other to fill what they cannot. As a single parent you have to adapt and adjust to what your child isn't getting from the other parent. Does this mean that married parents love their children less than single parents? Absolutely not! That isn't what I'm saying at all. I am merely stating that single parents have a different possibly deeper love for their children. It has to be. It has to be more, the child needs it. <br /><br />I can remember my labor process almost perfectly, I will not go into it though. But there is so much about that day that I will carry with me forever. The moment the nurse placed Hayden on my stomach when he was first out of the womb and I said "Hi, baby" and he just stopped crying and we just stared at each other. <br />
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<br />That picture means so much to me. It's a moment that every mother dreams of. The first time you lay eyes on that beautiful little person who you have been growing and learning to love for the last 9 months. It becomes real. You can see their little eyes, their little noses, hold their little hands. It's such a magical moment that I wish for every woman. <br /><br />At 9:57 am, August 17th 2009, my world was complete. I held everything that I could ever possibly need in my arms. This picture is how we have remained. Mommy and baby, taking care of each other. It hasn't been easy, but I am so glad I have had the experience. It's not ideal, everyone wishes for the perfect family where they mommy and daddy are happily in love, two car garage, soccer practice, the whole nine yards...but for many women this is not the reality. Their reality is working 40+ hours a week, driving over 30 miles away for work, having no social life, no love life, barely enough money to scrap by, and the happiest little smile waiting for them every day.<br />
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My reality is beyond what I could have ever thought. I struggle, but in these last 3 years, I haven't regretted one moment with him. That little boy is my world, my everything. I don't need anything else so long as I have him. My baby boy turns 3 tomorrow. He is growing faster than my mind can comprehend. This mommy has so many emotions that I can't even form a rational thought half the time. <br /><br />That little boy has been my light in a world of darkness. I was never a wild person, but he keeps me grounded. My eye is on the prize. A child raises your standards on everything, or at least they should. My cup runneth over. There are so many more memories to be made in our future, you can bet I look forward to them all. The good, and the bad. I am a different person now. I'm a better person.</div>
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It was no accident me finding you<br />Someone had a hand in it<br />Long before we
ever knew<br />Now I just can't believe you're in my life<br />Heaven's smilin' down
on me<br />As I look at you tonight<br /><br />I tip my hat to the keeper of the
stars<br />He sure knew what he was doin'<br />When he joined these two hearts<br />I
hold everything<br />When I hold you in my arms<br />I've got all I'll ever
need<br />Thanks to the keeper of the stars<br /><br />Soft moonlight on your face oh
how you shine<br />It takes my breath away<br />Just to look into your eyes<br />I
know I don't deserve a treasure like you<br />There really are no words<br />To show
my gratitude<br /><br />So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars<br />He sure knew
what he was doin'<br />When he joined these two hearts<br />I hold
everything<br />When I hold you in my arms<br />I've got all I'll ever
need<br />Thanks to the keeper of the stars<br /><br />It was no accident me finding
you<br />Someone had a hand in it<br />Long before we ever knew </div>
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Happy Birthday Baby</div>
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(a day early, but that's ok)</div>
Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-80240643558489785382012-08-09T18:41:00.001-07:002012-08-09T18:41:26.898-07:00When a man loves a woman<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bIidwkqkMsk?fs=1" width="480"></iframe><br />
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This song stirs up all sorts of emotions in me. THIS is what it's supposed to be like. Where are those men at? It's all about unconditional love, once you find that...you are complete.<br />
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The inner romantic in all of you will hopefully come out with this song. How can it not? What woman doens't want a man that would do anything for her, put up with all her crazy, and just support her when she needs it? Every woman wants that, every woman wants the man that can protect you from harm, put you first, and make you feel like no matter what you do he will always think of you as a beautiful, smart, amazing woman. <br />
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There are so many things I want in a man...I think if you understand this song, you know exactly what I am looking for.<br />
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Enjoy, if you have a spouse get up and dance. Enjoy eachother.<br />
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xoxoJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-25224234866679815512012-08-04T18:16:00.000-07:002012-08-04T18:16:15.989-07:00Good things come to those who waitI am excited to announce that it's official...I am divorced. No longer a married woman...it feels great! It has been a long time in the making though, it's been over a year that we have been separated. I know I have made a blog about it before but I need to make another one. So please bare with me if you have already read about this in a previous entry, but it's an important subject.<br />
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My marriage was built on sand, very unstable. I never loved my husband. I can admit that now. Our relationship was anything but healthy. I was so unhappy with myself that I allowed myself to become something I am not. When you allow yourself to get in such a dark place, bad things happen. I was over 200 lbs, I had just lost my job, I was a newly single mother, and this man came along. He told me everything I thought I wanted to hear. I could tell there were problems before we got married, but I did nothing. I felt as though I had to just deal with it because I was unworthy of anything better. <br />
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The arguments started rather quickly. To him it was always a competition between him and Hayden's dad. He wanted to come over every night and every morning before work. Big red flag right? You would think. When I was at work, I was to be texting him, on my lunch break I was to call him, if I didn't call him as soon as I got off work there was an argument. I wasn't allowed to walk down the street alone. I couldn't go hang out with friends or even co-workers. My life was miserable. I thought it would be better when we got married, but this is never a smart thought. If that thought crosses your mind please take it as a huge flag. Things that are bad do not improve once marriage happens. <br />
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Before I knew it I was deep into a pit of misery. I wasn't supposed to lose weight because then men may notice me. I am 5'2, being 200 lbs is very unhealthy for anyone that size. If I did not want to have sex every night there was a huge argument. My life was pure hell. I had to delete my facebook, change my cell phone number, and heaven forbid if I saw a male I knew while walking in walmart or something. I had no idea that I was in an abusive relationship.<br />
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You, or at least I, always think of abuse in the physical sense. It is so much deeper than that. There is mental abuse and we tend to forget about it. The man I married was incredibly possessive, controlling, and emotionally abusive. At times borderline physically abusive. I remember one occasion when I was leaving for work, he claimed it was to early and I was really meeting someone else, he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, held me against a wall, and got right in my face and started yelling. I was physically restrained from leaving on more than one occasion. It was very scary. <br />
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When I made the decision that I had enough, a weight instantly lifted. For days my phone was constantly getting blown up with phone calls and texts. Finally it stopped. Finally I was done. Finally I am free. The point in this blog is that if you or anyone you know may be in a relationship like the one I was in, then please get help. It is very unhealthy. There isn't one part of me that doesn't believe that if I stayed in that relationship that it would have branched into physically abusive and maybe even worse. It may have been the longest year of my life, but the tears that threatened to fall as soon as I saw the judges signature on those papers today, they were further proof that I had made the right decision. <br />
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I won't lie and say it came easy, even being in a loveless marriage it was still hard to leave. You get used to a person, you start to believe the awful things they tell you. You get brainwashed. One day you have to make the decision to pull your head up and get some air. Dating has been more difficult because of my experience. I am ok with that. I just wish that I could find someone who would understand my damaged past a little and cut me some slack...but that's a blog for a different day.<br />
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xoxoJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-87458294551108318882012-08-03T18:43:00.000-07:002012-08-03T18:43:51.783-07:00Fly like an Eagle...If you want to be spectacular, you have to work for it. No one said a life worth a story telling would be easy. You have to bust your ass to make it fabulous. On average women tend to put themselves last at everything. Whatever we are feeling, what we want to do, hell even what we want to eat...we put everyone else ahead of ourselves. It's pure instinct I believe. <br />
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I have enrolled for the spring semester of college. It's about time I start living the life I will be proud of, one that my son will be proud of. I want to get my degree and finish college because I want him to do the same. Studies show that children whose parents attend and finish college are more likely to do the same. I want a great career, I want to be able to do something, make a difference. I want to change lives.<br />
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For those of you who have participated in the "Save Chick-fil-a" stuff, please do me a favor and unfriend me on facebook now. Delete my number from your cell phone, and just remove yourself from my life. I am ok with people having opinions and you are entitled to your own, I just don't think I could have people in my life who wouldn't want everyone in the world to feel the love they feel for their spouse, or the love they hope to feel one day. I can't associate with people who wouldn't want everyone to feel that way regardless if they feel that way for someone of the same sex. I don't care what the bible says, I don't care what everyone thinks God has said. I don't care. If God doesn't like it that's his problem. I will live my life according to how I think is right. I don't believe denying people love, human rights, and equality is right. No God I believe in would ever do that to anyone. <br />
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I am willing to take the change of not getting into heaven, if God so chooses, to help people feel love and warmth and like they belong down here. I don't know what's going to happen when I die, I can't control it. To base how I act on a book that was written, re-written, translated more times than imaginable, and not even 100 perfect factual...is insane. I don't understand how some scripture can be followed to a t but others get to slide by. I would rather take my beliefs for equality and love for the entire human race over some fear of the unknown. I am willing to take that chance.<br />
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I want my son to grow up to believe that everyone is deserving to find their true love, regardless if they have the same anatomy or now. All we need is love, right?<br />
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I want to get a Bachelors in Sociology. The study of people. I want to try to understand how people can feel one way but choose to see a situation in another way out of fear of the unknown. Not that I will ever find that one out b/c I don't even think the people themselves fully understand that concept. My career intentions are to work for DHS, to help single mothers, like myself, that don't qualify for anything. I want to show them that it is possible to make something of yourself without government help. It's ten times more hard, but it can be done.<br />
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Life hands you lemons, sometimes he hands you more than the next person...but with a little TLC and hard work...you can make the best lemonade b/c you have more ingredients ;)Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-74030976221742321252012-08-01T17:57:00.001-07:002012-08-01T17:57:34.585-07:0090 Day ChallengeThe first day of the month is always a good and easy starting point for a challenge. My challenge for myself is to do my P90X. I have had it for months now and have still yet to fully commit to it. As I sit here I can feel my thighs expanding, my belly growing, another chin forming. <br />
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My routine was shattered after my accident. I was doing so good, then I just stopped. Some out of pain but mostly out of laziness. I'm hoping pain will subside if I shrink a little and build up muscle that will better hold me together. My diet isn't all the great at the moment. Tomorrow is thirsty Thursday and I fully intend to share my water intake and make sure I drink enough. <br />
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Once I complete this blog I am going to pop in core synergistics, without the resistance bands. They are in my room somewhere and I don't feel like rummaging to find them. Thats ok. Try and remember when it comes to dieting that it doesn't matter how many times you fall off the wagon or have to start over, keep moving forward. <br />
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There is a phenomenal site out there that I have been stalking, it's www.myspawaterbook.com and it has so many different recipes for naturally flavored water and the health benefits. Check it out when you have some time! <br />
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I ordered a laptop for school yesterday and it will be at my house tomorrow!/9 my blogging will step up a bit. It's rather difficult to post from your phone. I have decided to return to my studies in January and pursue a degree in sociology. You must have goals, without them life gets boring. <br />
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As far as the dating scene...we shall see how it goes. With out giving away to much information I am rather intrigued at the moment. You all know me, not settling for anything less than anything. So far so good :) <br />
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Off to sweat my ass off...and I'm not excited at all. Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-7173035450825894192012-07-21T14:43:00.001-07:002012-07-21T14:43:53.868-07:00The wish listThe qualities of the perfect man.<br />
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Must love dogs<br />
Eat meat (no vegetarians)<br />
Not whiney<br />
Romantic<br />
Good cook<br />
Must have a good relationship with his family, but NO mamas boys<br />
Like 90's music<br />
No smoking or dipping<br />
Like coffee<br />
Must love kids<br />
Sensitive (but not overly sensitive)<br />
Read books<br />
Like Harry Potter (I'm a nerd) <br />
Will watch Greys Anatomy with me<br />
Must get along with my best friend<br />
Shouldn't take longer than me to get ready.<br />
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More to come.<br />
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Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6803593789185327840.post-41965902477634203072012-07-17T07:55:00.001-07:002012-07-17T07:55:08.979-07:00Angry with GodComing soon Jenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09234448589941310922noreply@blogger.com0