Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
If you aren't the type to slow dance in the living room...then you aren't my type
When I was around 7 I started making a list of things I wanted in a husband. One thing that topped that list was slow dancing to something like an old George Strait song while he sings the lyrics softly in my ear. To me, that just seems like the most sweet moment.
The thing I have learned about myself over the years is, I like southern boys. More than like I looooove southern boys. I love the values they have, the hunting, fishing, loving their mama's. Aren't afraid of getting dirty. Working on things with their bare hands. Flannel...the whole nine yards. It is just irresistible to me. There is something about a southern boy. They don't care what people think, they are crazy, fun, and they know how to have a good time. I'm getting all oozy just thinking about it. Surprisingly I've never really dated one.
You know how raps songs say things about wanting a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed? My fascination with men is pretty similar...except a little opposite. I want the tough guy in public, the one that no body messes with. The one that takes no crap off of anyone. But at home I want the man that will come up behind me in the kitchen, grab me and start dancing with me, even if there is no music playing. He will sing in my ear the lyrics. He will look at me like I am the only woman alive at that moment. I would never have to worry about any woman stealing him b/c he is all about me. He knows he couldn't do any better and he doesn't want to. When I get mad he doesn't fight back. He just smiles and thinks to himself that I am so cute when I get angry. Like the Eli Young band song, Crazy Girl. The thought of leaving me never crosses his mind. He never tries to make me angry, he thinks I am funny. Not the kind of funny where it makes me even more mad but the funny where he loves my little quirks. Where he knows I can be a little fireball and he loves it. He never gets angry with me for long. When he is angry he doesn't yell. He never calls me names, he never says anything mean to me. He encourages me to go out with my girlfriends and volunteers to watch the kids. He loves to spend time with them. He acts as though Hayden is completely his. He calls him buddy, he never yells at him, he encourages him to try new things, to not be scared of failing. He teaches him how to ride a bike, and when you fall to get back up and shake it off and just keep rolling. He makes sure Hayden knows that even though is dad is absent someone cares for him just as though he was his dad. He surprises me at work with a vase of Calalillies. He tells me to get dressed up fancy and takes me out for dinner.. He calls up my parents to chat, he goes fishing with my dad helps my mom with the dishes on family nights. I never want to feel as though I have to do something for him, I want to, want to do things for him. I want a man who will hold me during sad movies as he tries to cover up laughing at me for crying. Is that to much to ask?
I can afford to be picky. Once you have dealt with the crap I have then you realize, if you can't have the things you want in a companion...then it's OK to just be alone. I am not going to cave. I want my southern man. One day I will get him, and if I don't...that's OK too. B/c at least I will have my self respect, integrity, and my awesome friends to get me through.
xoxo
The thing I have learned about myself over the years is, I like southern boys. More than like I looooove southern boys. I love the values they have, the hunting, fishing, loving their mama's. Aren't afraid of getting dirty. Working on things with their bare hands. Flannel...the whole nine yards. It is just irresistible to me. There is something about a southern boy. They don't care what people think, they are crazy, fun, and they know how to have a good time. I'm getting all oozy just thinking about it. Surprisingly I've never really dated one.
You know how raps songs say things about wanting a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed? My fascination with men is pretty similar...except a little opposite. I want the tough guy in public, the one that no body messes with. The one that takes no crap off of anyone. But at home I want the man that will come up behind me in the kitchen, grab me and start dancing with me, even if there is no music playing. He will sing in my ear the lyrics. He will look at me like I am the only woman alive at that moment. I would never have to worry about any woman stealing him b/c he is all about me. He knows he couldn't do any better and he doesn't want to. When I get mad he doesn't fight back. He just smiles and thinks to himself that I am so cute when I get angry. Like the Eli Young band song, Crazy Girl. The thought of leaving me never crosses his mind. He never tries to make me angry, he thinks I am funny. Not the kind of funny where it makes me even more mad but the funny where he loves my little quirks. Where he knows I can be a little fireball and he loves it. He never gets angry with me for long. When he is angry he doesn't yell. He never calls me names, he never says anything mean to me. He encourages me to go out with my girlfriends and volunteers to watch the kids. He loves to spend time with them. He acts as though Hayden is completely his. He calls him buddy, he never yells at him, he encourages him to try new things, to not be scared of failing. He teaches him how to ride a bike, and when you fall to get back up and shake it off and just keep rolling. He makes sure Hayden knows that even though is dad is absent someone cares for him just as though he was his dad. He surprises me at work with a vase of Calalillies. He tells me to get dressed up fancy and takes me out for dinner.. He calls up my parents to chat, he goes fishing with my dad helps my mom with the dishes on family nights. I never want to feel as though I have to do something for him, I want to, want to do things for him. I want a man who will hold me during sad movies as he tries to cover up laughing at me for crying. Is that to much to ask?
I can afford to be picky. Once you have dealt with the crap I have then you realize, if you can't have the things you want in a companion...then it's OK to just be alone. I am not going to cave. I want my southern man. One day I will get him, and if I don't...that's OK too. B/c at least I will have my self respect, integrity, and my awesome friends to get me through.
xoxo
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Tis the season
There is something magical about the holidays. All the way from the pretty lights, snow lined buildings, shiny ornaments hanging on the tree, to the bell ringing salvation army folks outside every store from here to where ever. Christmas is a wonderful time of year. I can't help but to smile at a few more strangers, be a little more kind, and just be overall more happy.
I hate to be one of those dreaded people who get over excited about Christmas far to soon...but I am. Guilty. I love it. I am a person who celebrates Christmas in July, I listen to Christmas music in May, October, or whenever I need a little cheer. I enjoy Christmas Movies all through out the year. I have yet to ever visit a Church on this day though...so that is my goal for this year. Hayden will get my love of Christmas but he will also learn the true meaning of Christmas and the CHRIST in Christmas.
So as we all brace for the holidays lets not forget what it's all about. Christmas is the season for unconditional love. The love our Father had for us. To give us his child, to let his child live amongst us knowing how he would be treated, sacrificing his son, for us, for we are the future. Before you get all scrooge-like and scream Bah-Humbug at me for getting excited at the beginning of November I ask you, how many of us know someone who has been pregnant and for months has been eagerly anticipating the arrival of their bundle of joy? We all know at least 5 people right off hand. The anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ is approaching and I am excited.
It is true, when you are younger Christmas is nothing more than a vacation from school and a holiday where you get to open a lot of cool presents. Or at least for me it was. I never understood the religious sentiment behind the holiday, I am going to make sure that Hayden does. It's OK for him to believe in Santa Claus and have some fun with the holiday, I am a parent and I do love Christmas. But he will know that it's more than just a fat man in a red suit hopping down chimneys.
See that ^ Now is the time of year many of you are purchasing new winter coats for everyone in your family. Instead of letting your closet look like this, donate them. There are to many people out there who need things. So instead of letting your old winter clothes pile up in your closet, or packing them away knowing that you will probably not wear them next winter either...donate them. To many children and adults go without for us to hold on to things we know we won't use. You can donate them to your local Salvation Army, if you don't know where to find one (knowing that it's Christmas time and they are everywhere) get in touch with me, I will meet you some where and I will deliver your coat for you.
Both of these places are great for donations. And you can always claim the tax write off.
So this year please don't fear the red buckets, don't walk in the other door trying to avoid them. Dig in the bottom of your purse, your pockets, in your coat and give a few cents or dollars to a worthy cause. You know they are going to be there, it's no surprise so keep spare change on you. People will follow your lead and in turn they will donate too and maybe this year people everywhere will have a better winter.
************The Container Store in LR off of University is having a Coat Drive now thru December 31st. You can drop any old coats off there, if you don't want to drive that far, call me************
Once a Scumbag...
Good day my loves! It has been a while. I've been at a loss for words, as with everything there is so much I have wanted to write about, but I couldn't collect my thoughts enough to put them on here. Lets face it, I am no Carrie Bradshaw :) Life has been good. Normal woes but hey what do you expect from me?
I never thought I would be a "conservative" parent. In a lot of ways I don't guess I will be. I have caught myself lately changing the radio station due to the music playing while my son is in the car. Having conversations with other parents I never thought I would have. It's strange that moment you realize that you aren't the parent you always thought you would be. I think whatever kind of parent I am it is going to be great for Hayden. I just never pictured myself being the parent who censored anything...
My mom informed me that my sister had no intentions of joining the family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. This upset me greatly. For those of you who know my sons past, know that holidays are a very big deal to me. I did not spend thousands of dollars in a court room for everyone not to be there on my holidays (which as you also know have turned into me every year :) ) I am just so upset because so much in his life has been inconsistant. So much family has crapped out on him. I was hoping that mine would always come together for at least 3 days out of the year. Put their differences aside, and just be a happy family for 3 days out of the year. Is it so much to ask? I am pretty peeved about the whole thing. I just don't understand how someone could be so childish as to take their personal feelings and opinions out on a child. It's unfair.
I am almost completely done shopping for Haydens Christmas. I now need to go get his picture taken and start stocking up on frames to give as gifts. The joy of being a parent is people are excited to get pictures of your offspring. I won't lie, I am pretty thrilled that some stores are already playing christmas music. It makes me happy!
As with all my blog I must turn to the men. So here goes. I am still on my sabatical. I have learned a few things these two months that I have been on it also. Men are pigs and everything happens for a reason. For example, just because I had a crush on you in JR. High and you had one on me in SR high doesn't mean I am going to meet you for a lunch time rendevous and get jiggy with it in your truck ok. What would your pregnant wife think? I am worth so much more than that, always will be. I don't know if guys just assume because you are a single mother that you have no self respect or self worth and that you "need" them. Well buddy, I have plenty of both and I need no man. If I can't do it myself it doesn't need to be done.
Today is November 5, 2011. My main goal for the day is to make sure I take Hayden to visit the potty every hour. We are going to chill at the house, clean up, watch tv, and really crack down on the potty training business. Much love to you all. And remember: NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. I believe Elenore Roosevelt or someone like that said that...no matter who said it, take it with you and live it. You are beautiful, you are worth it, if a man doesn't see that then don't waste your time. Also, men don't change. Once a scumbag...always a scumbag.
Love ya!
I never thought I would be a "conservative" parent. In a lot of ways I don't guess I will be. I have caught myself lately changing the radio station due to the music playing while my son is in the car. Having conversations with other parents I never thought I would have. It's strange that moment you realize that you aren't the parent you always thought you would be. I think whatever kind of parent I am it is going to be great for Hayden. I just never pictured myself being the parent who censored anything...
My mom informed me that my sister had no intentions of joining the family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. This upset me greatly. For those of you who know my sons past, know that holidays are a very big deal to me. I did not spend thousands of dollars in a court room for everyone not to be there on my holidays (which as you also know have turned into me every year :) ) I am just so upset because so much in his life has been inconsistant. So much family has crapped out on him. I was hoping that mine would always come together for at least 3 days out of the year. Put their differences aside, and just be a happy family for 3 days out of the year. Is it so much to ask? I am pretty peeved about the whole thing. I just don't understand how someone could be so childish as to take their personal feelings and opinions out on a child. It's unfair.
I am almost completely done shopping for Haydens Christmas. I now need to go get his picture taken and start stocking up on frames to give as gifts. The joy of being a parent is people are excited to get pictures of your offspring. I won't lie, I am pretty thrilled that some stores are already playing christmas music. It makes me happy!
As with all my blog I must turn to the men. So here goes. I am still on my sabatical. I have learned a few things these two months that I have been on it also. Men are pigs and everything happens for a reason. For example, just because I had a crush on you in JR. High and you had one on me in SR high doesn't mean I am going to meet you for a lunch time rendevous and get jiggy with it in your truck ok. What would your pregnant wife think? I am worth so much more than that, always will be. I don't know if guys just assume because you are a single mother that you have no self respect or self worth and that you "need" them. Well buddy, I have plenty of both and I need no man. If I can't do it myself it doesn't need to be done.
Today is November 5, 2011. My main goal for the day is to make sure I take Hayden to visit the potty every hour. We are going to chill at the house, clean up, watch tv, and really crack down on the potty training business. Much love to you all. And remember: NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. I believe Elenore Roosevelt or someone like that said that...no matter who said it, take it with you and live it. You are beautiful, you are worth it, if a man doesn't see that then don't waste your time. Also, men don't change. Once a scumbag...always a scumbag.
Love ya!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
These are a few of my least favorite things..
1. Parents who claim every waking moment must be spent with your child or you are a bad parent.
Point in case: Try to tell me otherwise that's fine but you will be lying to yourself and God if you said that you truly want to spend every waking moment with your child. Admitting that you do want/need time away from them does not make you a bad parent. Every parent needs a break from their children to be sane. I mentioned this on someones facebook post and almost immediately someone was right under me trying to be all self righteous. I enjoy spending time with my child, I love going places with him, I love being at home with him, I enjoy it all..I will not lie and say that the few chances I have to go out with a friend that he crosses my mind constantly, but I do enjoy the hour or two away from having to keep yelling "NO!" or "Get off that!" or something else that you have to constantly yell at a 2 year old for. I honestly believe that parents, especially single parents need a few hours away from their child. That is my story and I am sticking to it.
Keep in mind that I went no where without my child until he was around 2 years old. I took him everywhere, cancelled plans because I didn't feel it was best to take him, I have spent 2 years up my child's ass to put it plainly. I love spending time with him, but just because I have a child doesn't mean my life has to be only revolving around him. He is a HUGE part of my life. He takes up around 90 % of it. Another 8% is taken by work and I have a 2% gateway for me time. I went to a Race for the Cure event this weekend with a friend and I had a blast. I didn't have to worry about my child getting lost in a crowd, or acting up, or any of that other stuff. When I got home I was so ready to jump on the floor in his bedroom and start playing cars with him. We both had a blast that day. He got quality grandma time, and I got some grown up non work conversation. Majorly needed.
I am not saying to go out every weekend and party, but to have an occasional night out, morning out, lunch out, is healthy, for both of you. Your child needs time away from you to de-stress and what not just as much as you need the hour or two away from them.
2. Me
I love myself, but I also truly dislike myself a lot of the time. I have always prided myself on being and independent, self sufficient woman. When the truth be told, I am nothing of the sort. That is how every relationship I have ever been in has lead to awful choices.
First real boyfriend, cheated on me, broke up with me for other girls repeatedly, and was awful. Not saying all of it was his fault (the cheating was b/c there is nothing that can make someone at fault for that besides the one doing it) Once he cheated on me once and broke up with me for the girl, trust issues became a huge problem. I learned something about myself with that relationship though. I can not be someone who stays with someone who cheats on me. I may love someone whole hearted, but I know myself. And I know that I would make both of us miserable. I am a pretty trusting person, but once my trust is broken it can't be repaired. Knowing this about myself, I just couldn't do it. My old boss and co worker tried to tell me that when it's the person God picks for you, you will be able to. But I can not agree. God would not choose someone for me that would betray me and commit one of his most hated sins.
Second real relationship, I trusted him completely, We were good together until we weren't anymore. Once we had our child things changed. I went through my bought of undiagnosed post pardom depression and he wasn't understanding. We were both at fault. The thing I learned from that relationship was that communication is key. No matter what is going on you have to have a line of communication or you both will be miserable. Although events following our split have assured me that ending it was the best decision I made. The way things have turned out now made me realize the lies that men will tell you and make you believe. Anyone who can not be honest about their past you need to be worried about. The past is nothing to hide from someone you say you love. Even if the past may hurt them or it may embarrass you, it is not a reason to lie about it.
Third real relationship: I don't really know what the hell I was thinking. The only positive out of that relationship is I got to change my name, so now my signature is prettier. I was in a bad place. Still upset and completely in love with number 2 and still dealing with PPD, it was a a real fog. I know that It was all a lie. He told me whatever I needed to hear. Which had I not married him would have been ok. But since I got looped into this fake world it all went to far. I got caught up in the rebound and now I am back to square one.
To improve myself I have taken a vow that I would not enter any relationship in my 23rd year. So far so good. I have learned that I can do things by myself, I can be a woman who goes out, improves her career and gets herself back after having a child. Many women never lose them, I did. It took me a little longer to realize things that many of you already know. But I have slowly started to become the me I always have wanted to be, and I must admit even though it has been a struggle every step of the way, I'm liking me even more now.
3. Unnecessary Rudeness
I understand that certain circumstances call for a certain amount of rudeness, but the way people conduct the matter now is absurd! I am so tired of rude drives, rude co-workers, rude friends, rude friends of friends, people who don't even know you being rude. I am sick of it all. I would like to take a moment and be rude myself. Take the stick out of your ass and get over yourself. Why can't people smile more, wave often, say hello, hold elevators, and be nice? I don't care that you don't like me, I don't care that you are a better "friend" to a friend, I don't care if you are maid of honor, prince of wales, or the pope. You need to respect people. No one is trying to steal your glory, everyone is just trying to survive and make as many people as they can happy along the way.
So please remember, just because you need me time doesn't mean you are a bad parent, I have been working on me and I am getting better at it. Everyone needs to be happy with themselves before they can be happy with someone else. Always be nice to people, even if they don't deserve it. You want to be the person people remember as being pleasant, a good person. Let them be rude, all it is doing is giving them wrinkles and bad hair.
Point in case: Try to tell me otherwise that's fine but you will be lying to yourself and God if you said that you truly want to spend every waking moment with your child. Admitting that you do want/need time away from them does not make you a bad parent. Every parent needs a break from their children to be sane. I mentioned this on someones facebook post and almost immediately someone was right under me trying to be all self righteous. I enjoy spending time with my child, I love going places with him, I love being at home with him, I enjoy it all..I will not lie and say that the few chances I have to go out with a friend that he crosses my mind constantly, but I do enjoy the hour or two away from having to keep yelling "NO!" or "Get off that!" or something else that you have to constantly yell at a 2 year old for. I honestly believe that parents, especially single parents need a few hours away from their child. That is my story and I am sticking to it.
Keep in mind that I went no where without my child until he was around 2 years old. I took him everywhere, cancelled plans because I didn't feel it was best to take him, I have spent 2 years up my child's ass to put it plainly. I love spending time with him, but just because I have a child doesn't mean my life has to be only revolving around him. He is a HUGE part of my life. He takes up around 90 % of it. Another 8% is taken by work and I have a 2% gateway for me time. I went to a Race for the Cure event this weekend with a friend and I had a blast. I didn't have to worry about my child getting lost in a crowd, or acting up, or any of that other stuff. When I got home I was so ready to jump on the floor in his bedroom and start playing cars with him. We both had a blast that day. He got quality grandma time, and I got some grown up non work conversation. Majorly needed.
I am not saying to go out every weekend and party, but to have an occasional night out, morning out, lunch out, is healthy, for both of you. Your child needs time away from you to de-stress and what not just as much as you need the hour or two away from them.
2. Me
I love myself, but I also truly dislike myself a lot of the time. I have always prided myself on being and independent, self sufficient woman. When the truth be told, I am nothing of the sort. That is how every relationship I have ever been in has lead to awful choices.
First real boyfriend, cheated on me, broke up with me for other girls repeatedly, and was awful. Not saying all of it was his fault (the cheating was b/c there is nothing that can make someone at fault for that besides the one doing it) Once he cheated on me once and broke up with me for the girl, trust issues became a huge problem. I learned something about myself with that relationship though. I can not be someone who stays with someone who cheats on me. I may love someone whole hearted, but I know myself. And I know that I would make both of us miserable. I am a pretty trusting person, but once my trust is broken it can't be repaired. Knowing this about myself, I just couldn't do it. My old boss and co worker tried to tell me that when it's the person God picks for you, you will be able to. But I can not agree. God would not choose someone for me that would betray me and commit one of his most hated sins.
Second real relationship, I trusted him completely, We were good together until we weren't anymore. Once we had our child things changed. I went through my bought of undiagnosed post pardom depression and he wasn't understanding. We were both at fault. The thing I learned from that relationship was that communication is key. No matter what is going on you have to have a line of communication or you both will be miserable. Although events following our split have assured me that ending it was the best decision I made. The way things have turned out now made me realize the lies that men will tell you and make you believe. Anyone who can not be honest about their past you need to be worried about. The past is nothing to hide from someone you say you love. Even if the past may hurt them or it may embarrass you, it is not a reason to lie about it.
Third real relationship: I don't really know what the hell I was thinking. The only positive out of that relationship is I got to change my name, so now my signature is prettier. I was in a bad place. Still upset and completely in love with number 2 and still dealing with PPD, it was a a real fog. I know that It was all a lie. He told me whatever I needed to hear. Which had I not married him would have been ok. But since I got looped into this fake world it all went to far. I got caught up in the rebound and now I am back to square one.
To improve myself I have taken a vow that I would not enter any relationship in my 23rd year. So far so good. I have learned that I can do things by myself, I can be a woman who goes out, improves her career and gets herself back after having a child. Many women never lose them, I did. It took me a little longer to realize things that many of you already know. But I have slowly started to become the me I always have wanted to be, and I must admit even though it has been a struggle every step of the way, I'm liking me even more now.
3. Unnecessary Rudeness
I understand that certain circumstances call for a certain amount of rudeness, but the way people conduct the matter now is absurd! I am so tired of rude drives, rude co-workers, rude friends, rude friends of friends, people who don't even know you being rude. I am sick of it all. I would like to take a moment and be rude myself. Take the stick out of your ass and get over yourself. Why can't people smile more, wave often, say hello, hold elevators, and be nice? I don't care that you don't like me, I don't care that you are a better "friend" to a friend, I don't care if you are maid of honor, prince of wales, or the pope. You need to respect people. No one is trying to steal your glory, everyone is just trying to survive and make as many people as they can happy along the way.
So please remember, just because you need me time doesn't mean you are a bad parent, I have been working on me and I am getting better at it. Everyone needs to be happy with themselves before they can be happy with someone else. Always be nice to people, even if they don't deserve it. You want to be the person people remember as being pleasant, a good person. Let them be rude, all it is doing is giving them wrinkles and bad hair.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
To Thine Own Self Be True
If you couldn't tell I have been struggling with something to write about lately, I have had so much to say but no matter how many times I tried to collect my thoughts and put them together, it never worked out. So today, I just type. It will probably be even more scattered than my previous entries...and that's ok. I have to let it out.
I will be starting a new job on Monday, I am both excited and nervous. I have a lot at stake. It seems like you always do the more you age, you have children, bills, car payment, etc. It doesn't seem to ever slow down. I am excited because this is a career change for me. For the last 4 years I have been in the banking world, not that my new job won't involve some of the same things, it's a different career path and I am completely excited! I did, however, realize the comfort level that I have put myself in working at a bank. You get lazy, working at a bank. You don't keep a check register, you don't worry about where you put your debit card, you don't worry about stopping a payment Everything you need is at work with you every day. Starting Monday, I will be a "normal person". It is a scary thought...super scary.
Hayden has been a little under the weather. He has asthma and awful allergies. When both act up this mommy is living a nightmare! It's an terrible thing to see your child suffer, even though mine just suffers with simple things. It makes your heart rip open for those mothers whose children battle life threatening illness. Being a mother, the last thing you want to feel is defenseless. You want to be the rock. You want to be the one that is sick, not your child. There is one child that has been on my mind constantly in the last week or so. I have never met this little boy and I actually stumbled upon his facebook page on accident. If you have time please stop by, read his story, and just say a little prayer. He is on the way to recovery and is doing great.
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2014948606374.2095875.1023570008&type=1#!/ChaseEaden?sk=wall
Life is to short to be bothered with stupid people. I am a good mom. There has been so many things I have wanted to say on here but this is a public blog. But just know, My heart is breaking for my child. There are things that a mother cannot protect her own child from. These are things that can be prevented, unlike cancer or any other illness. The things you wish you could protect them from, kills you because you never thought that THIS is what you would have to deal with. Cancer is somewhere in the back of every parents mind. You can't fathom it, you don't understand it, but you know it can happen to any innocent child...this...this how am I supposed to deal with this situtation. My heart is broken, not out of saddness for myself. but sadness for my child and the questions he is going to have later in life that I dont' know how to answer. I don't know what to say b/c this...this is ridiculous.
I will be starting a new job on Monday, I am both excited and nervous. I have a lot at stake. It seems like you always do the more you age, you have children, bills, car payment, etc. It doesn't seem to ever slow down. I am excited because this is a career change for me. For the last 4 years I have been in the banking world, not that my new job won't involve some of the same things, it's a different career path and I am completely excited! I did, however, realize the comfort level that I have put myself in working at a bank. You get lazy, working at a bank. You don't keep a check register, you don't worry about where you put your debit card, you don't worry about stopping a payment Everything you need is at work with you every day. Starting Monday, I will be a "normal person". It is a scary thought...super scary.
Hayden has been a little under the weather. He has asthma and awful allergies. When both act up this mommy is living a nightmare! It's an terrible thing to see your child suffer, even though mine just suffers with simple things. It makes your heart rip open for those mothers whose children battle life threatening illness. Being a mother, the last thing you want to feel is defenseless. You want to be the rock. You want to be the one that is sick, not your child. There is one child that has been on my mind constantly in the last week or so. I have never met this little boy and I actually stumbled upon his facebook page on accident. If you have time please stop by, read his story, and just say a little prayer. He is on the way to recovery and is doing great.
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2014948606374.2095875.1023570008&type=1#!/ChaseEaden?sk=wall
Life is to short to be bothered with stupid people. I am a good mom. There has been so many things I have wanted to say on here but this is a public blog. But just know, My heart is breaking for my child. There are things that a mother cannot protect her own child from. These are things that can be prevented, unlike cancer or any other illness. The things you wish you could protect them from, kills you because you never thought that THIS is what you would have to deal with. Cancer is somewhere in the back of every parents mind. You can't fathom it, you don't understand it, but you know it can happen to any innocent child...this...this how am I supposed to deal with this situtation. My heart is broken, not out of saddness for myself. but sadness for my child and the questions he is going to have later in life that I dont' know how to answer. I don't know what to say b/c this...this is ridiculous.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Happy Birthday Uncle Art
I also remember the day he died. My mom does this awful thing when people die where she can't pull herself together enough to tell you so you have to through a list of family members before you find out which of your loved ones is gone. It was the first death I understood and it's still the one that hits me the hardest. I miss him everyday. I miss the talks we used to have, the stories he would tell, and all the neat things he knew how to do.
This year I have really slacked on going to visit him like I used to. Once I learned to drive I would visit him frequently. Most the time I would just go by myself, not tell anyone, just go and talk to him. I would always tell him about my day, hey why change tradition? Since Hayden has been here it's been more difficult to pack up the car and head up there. I need to though, and I will...soon.
Today marks his 53rd birthday, and it is a beautiful day. This is a song that was played at his funeral. I still can not listen to it without thinking of him and getting all weepy. In a good way though. I miss him so much but his memory lives on. I am so happy that he no longer has to fight his demons and he is free from them all. He can relax and be free.
I miss you so much Uncle Art, I miss our talks, I miss family get togethers, and I miss our fishing trips. I know you are up there, looking down at us all and having a huge celebration up in Heaven with your Dad, Your Grandpa, Little John, and various other family members that have left us down here. I love you! And one day I'll be able to celebrate with you again.
http://youtu.be/mM0-ZU8njdo
***The picture up top is courtesy of my cousin Amber, Art's daughter, so thank you! ***
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