Walk this way

Recently I got my hair cut.  It is now similar to what it was before I met the two significant relationships in my life.  Really, I don't know if you would consider the last one significant...but you get the picture.  In order for you to understand why i am on my weight loss journey you must understand a bit about me. 

I was insanely in love with my sons father.  It killed me when we split.  I rushed into something and before I realized what I was doing I thought I was in to deep.  I have always been a strong willed woman but there are people out there that can break even the strongest of women.  I fell victim to something like this.  I wanted to change myself before I met him, I was stuck in mom mode and I was just ready to get me back.  He wasn't open to me changing back at all, even though it would make me happy.  I fell victim to verbal and emotional abuse.  If you have never truly been a victim to this you wouldn't understand. As soon as I got my head out of my ass and got what little self respect I had left rallied up, I left him.  Now I am working on me.

It has been decided (by me of course) based upon the common answers of my friends that I am going to take a year off from dating.  I will not be sucked back into another relationship where I can't be myself.  I am pretty damn cool, so it's a shame.  I am not losing weight to get a man. I am losing weight for me. I need to be confident again, I need to feel pretty.  I need to get all my self respect back.  Being a strong willed woman you can imagine how embarrassing it is for me to even admit that something like that happened to me.  But it happens to even the best of us. 

This up coming year, I am very excited about.  This year I am going to focus on me, Hayden, and friendships.  I figure if a guy is spectacular enough that he will understand.  I know men don't always understand and they get a bit antsy but I am tired of that.  Either wait for me or don't.  It's ok with me either way. I know that my Mr. Perfect for me will be ok with not entering relationship status until I am ready. 

I will not settle for less than I have dreamt of.  I want to be someones prize, I want someone to see me and be willing to put forth the effort to have a chance.  I am worth it.  I just have to find a man who is smart enough to realize everything I bring to the table.