Friday, May 16, 2014

And I will always love you

When I was just four years old my parents packed up everything they owned and drove my sister and I to Cabot, Arkansas all because they were tired of driving. Seriously, that is how they've always said they picked this town. They wanted something new so they drove until they thought something looked good. I could've easily landed anywhere, but as fate would have it I was here. My entire life has been spent in this little town. I have watched it mature and grow just as I have. We've grown up together.
I learned how to ride a bike on her streets, I met my very first beat friend, I even became educated with her as I went to school in the district. My first kiss was here, my first boyfriend...pretty much every significant thing that has happend to me has happend right here in this town. 
The people that I have met here are one of a kind. I have met people who I wish I hadnt, ones that it will break my heart to leave, and others that made me who I am.  Though the thing is, I'm merely a shell of a person. There isnt much more I can do here. I've reached my peak in this town. I cannot grow anymore with in these city limits. So naturally thing thing to do is leave. I am a person who loves change. I am constantly challenging myself and taking myself away from all that I find comfortable.
I am going to be leaving the only life ive known. I have built a life here, but please understand that I am not satisfied. I want more. I want somwthing different.
It is so hard to say goodbye. In the next month that is what I will be doing. Saying goodbye to this town and all of you. I will be saying goodbye to my very first home.  The place that holds so many memories. I will be leaving with some unkindled friendships and honestly it breaks me...but there isnt much that can be done.
With my heart I have to believe that this is the right move for my little family. I need to believe that. I need to get out of this state. My child will grow up in a small town and he will feel the same way eventually. With the way the world is, I dont mind taking him somewhere where I know he will be safe.
I will miss this place and I will miss all of you so much it will be physically painful. Things will be sketchy at first. I amy not have cell reception for a bit nor will I have internet access...know that when I move I will be in contact as soon as I can.
Before I leave if you are important to me we need to have night out. We need a farewell party. I will come back and visit from time to time, but you never know where life may lead. 
So as I pack away over 20 years of memories the magnitude of my decisions is weighing upon me. This is extremely difficult. There are some places I will never visit again once I leave. Like this house. I wont go back, I cant. To see a place I've grown up in being inhabited by strangers, the thought is even to much to bear. So if you see me in these next few weeks and I am in a catatonic state, or am just super emotional...cut me some slack. Life just got real.