Monday, September 26, 2011

Count on Me

There is something truly amazing about friendship.  It seems I have the friends that even when I don't speak to them for two years, if I need them, they are there for me.  I hope I am a friend like that also. If I am not I hope I get that way really soon.  I miss having the "best friend" though. The one you can call every other night to chat, or at least every week to say "Hey, OMG you would NEVER believe what I went through this week!!"  I will say that I do have some of the most amazing people that I call friends.

I think with modern conveniences like facebook and twitter we lose sight of our friends for a bit.  We don't need to call as often b/c we can just look at their pages to see what they have been up to.  Everyone has a cell phone now, and no one likes to talk on it everyone prefers to text, so we lose out on that other human voice.  Sometimes when you are feeling lonely, you need to hear another voice.  Text messages can't convey emotion very well...I am a recovering text-a-holic. I will just throw that in there. With life moving at hyper speed now it's hard to take time out of busy schedules to meet with an old friend, we should make time though.  Although when you get older your friend separate into even more categories: Those with Children and married, those with children and single, those without children and married, those without children and single, those in relationships, etc.  So not everyone has the same interests anymore. Remember what made you friends to begin with, life is only more lonely when you don't have them.

So this is for all my friends::: I love you guys!
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

With that being shared, I hope everyone has a fabulous Monday, it's a brand new week so make the best of it.  Make a new friend this week.  Smile at a few more people.  Most importantly pay attention to others and be a caring pair of ears if they need them. You would be surprised at how far a smile and just listening will go.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Because we're going to the chapel...

A long long time ago when I was 9 years old, I met an amazing friend and we made a promise that we would be friends forever and when we got married we would be at eachothers weddings as a bridesmaid.  Well honestly I had given up hope because she had been planning her wedding for two years and never mentioned it to me.  I get a text message last night asking if I would please be one of her bridesmaids, and of course I said yes! 

The only problem is her wedding is less than a month away and I have no time to get wedding ready! UGH talk about being stressed!  I have already started losing weight so that is a good thing but what about my white pasty legs?! I have no time to tan!!!  Not that they would have tanned anyways...but still.  I am very excited!  The dress is not one of those ugly things that never look good on anyone, it is a very pretty dress. 

Don't get me wrong, this late in the game I gather someone probably flaked out on her and she needed an alternate...but hey I'll take it!  I'm not messed up about that one I assure you.  I am both excited and nervous. I've never been in a wedding before.

Guess I need to study up!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Walk this way

Recently I got my hair cut.  It is now similar to what it was before I met the two significant relationships in my life.  Really, I don't know if you would consider the last one significant...but you get the picture.  In order for you to understand why i am on my weight loss journey you must understand a bit about me. 

I was insanely in love with my sons father.  It killed me when we split.  I rushed into something and before I realized what I was doing I thought I was in to deep.  I have always been a strong willed woman but there are people out there that can break even the strongest of women.  I fell victim to something like this.  I wanted to change myself before I met him, I was stuck in mom mode and I was just ready to get me back.  He wasn't open to me changing back at all, even though it would make me happy.  I fell victim to verbal and emotional abuse.  If you have never truly been a victim to this you wouldn't understand. As soon as I got my head out of my ass and got what little self respect I had left rallied up, I left him.  Now I am working on me.

It has been decided (by me of course) based upon the common answers of my friends that I am going to take a year off from dating.  I will not be sucked back into another relationship where I can't be myself.  I am pretty damn cool, so it's a shame.  I am not losing weight to get a man. I am losing weight for me. I need to be confident again, I need to feel pretty.  I need to get all my self respect back.  Being a strong willed woman you can imagine how embarrassing it is for me to even admit that something like that happened to me.  But it happens to even the best of us. 

This up coming year, I am very excited about.  This year I am going to focus on me, Hayden, and friendships.  I figure if a guy is spectacular enough that he will understand.  I know men don't always understand and they get a bit antsy but I am tired of that.  Either wait for me or don't.  It's ok with me either way. I know that my Mr. Perfect for me will be ok with not entering relationship status until I am ready. 

I will not settle for less than I have dreamt of.  I want to be someones prize, I want someone to see me and be willing to put forth the effort to have a chance.  I am worth it.  I just have to find a man who is smart enough to realize everything I bring to the table. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Eye for an Eye

I'm one day early but I thought I would go ahead and give an update...

I haven't lost any more weight in this week.  I am trying to be ok with that but it's a little discouraging I won't lie.  I have been walking more and being more active so to make myself feel a little better I'm saying that I've gained a little muscle.  My clothes are fitting more loosely so it's quite possible. After watching the festivities yesterday of the Ten years since 9/11 I've stepped back a little from caring so much.  I'm not quitting and I am still going to be just as persistant to lose the weight, but for a minute there I forgot about a few things.

In 2001 when the attacks happened on the US I was only 12 years old.  It was two days before my 13th birthday and I was so annoyed that it happened then.  Thirteen is a big deal to a child.   I didn't understand the awful things that were happening around me, all I cared about was if people were still going to come to my birthday party.  Now that I have grown up a bit, have a child of my own, this year it is like it finally hit me.  The devestation, the tragedy, it all hit me at once.  This year, one decade later, it finally all became so clear.  It's a crazy moment when you finally understand something when you are an adult.  You don't want to admit it to many people because after all at 22 these are things you should already know.

Watching the televison shows about the people who were in the towers, on the planes, the firemen, police men, and all other rescue workers was very emotional yesterday. As I fought back the tears while sitting with my family I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming love for my country.  For my Country.  For the people in my country.  For the people of New York, who were going about there everyday and their city was destroyed, their friends,  co-workers, family, gone just like that.  I tried to imagine what I would say to my mother, my dad, my son if I was in one of the offices that was burning, one of the planes that was about to go down.  What would my final words to them be? Words of comfort? Words of Love? Words of fear?  What would I say?  What would I want them to know before I was gone forever.  What would I want them to tell me if they were the ones making the call? 

There were so many thoughts going through my head as I was reliving that day.  Seeing the children who had been orphaned, or who never knew their fathers b/c they parrished before they were born it was truely an emotional experience.  I looked at my own son and I felt the fear that all of them must have felt at that moment.  The fear of not knowing what could happen.  Not knowing when the next attack might be.  I tried to put myself in their shoes, the people of New York, we got to see the news coverage and we heard so much more than they did at that time.  I tried to put myself in the shoes of the person stuck in the elevator after the first plane hit, not knowing what was stopping the elevator from reaching the floor.  The person who was watching the fire burn from their apartment building on the 32nd floor just two blocks away and thinking how awful that a plane would hit the towers, then realizing it wasn't an accident when the second one got hit and not knowing what building would be next. 

When 9/11 happened  I was just a child,  sitting in my English class, walking around from class to class and seeing the tragic events that were occuring.  Not quite understanding the events that were taking place in front of me.  I think a lot of my generation felt the same.  Some of them may not even realize now the horror of the day.  Well, not the entire magnitude of it. 

I have decided that for the 20 year anniversary of this day comes around, Hayden will be the exact same age I was when it happened,  we are going to New York for that one.  We are going to stand at the WTC memorial site, and he is going to learn about what happend, how evil that evil can be.  He is going to read the names, listen to the stories, and walk down the same streets that were once so covered in rubble that you couldn't tell where the road stopped and side walk began.   I know he won't understand it completely but I want him to see it. 

If 9/11 has taught me anything else it is this:: Evil knows no face, it is no people.  Evil is something we chose to be.  We have a choice.  Just because someone did something you don't approve of doesn't give you the right to do something back.  Just b/c a certain type of someone did something doesn't mean that all persons of that type are like that.  Everyone makes a choice, punish the person not the persons.  We are all different, and hatred does nothing.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Little by Little

I hope that everyone enjoyed their three day weekend and didn't overdue it with junk food!!!  I can't remember if Labor day is a BBQ kinda that not sad?  I am honestly sick of BBQ's, by the end of summer I don't even want to look at another potato salad (and that's saying a lot knowing my love of potatos!) I was pretty decently behaved this weekend on the food situation.  I did sneak in two oreos, I know I'm bad!

Today marks one week for my diet. Here are my stats:
Todays Weigh in:: 190

That is Ten Pounds in one week!!!!  Those are great results!!!  I haven't had any funny side effects from the Phentermine either.  No jitters, no sickness...nothing.  So I have to say it adds a nice little bonus to give me energy.  It also helps that it has been so nice outside this weekend that you just couldn't help but to be outside.  So this weekend I loaded Hayden up in his little car stroller thing and we were off.  We traveled up and down the drive way at least 10 times.  Which doesn't seem like much but my driveway goes straight up a hill.  So needless to say that my calfs are so sore but it was worth it.  I am trying to take a walk at least three times a week.  It gets difficult with Arkansas weather and a small child. 

Next weeks weigh in is my lets hope for even better results.  It gets kind of hard to post anything online with a very active 2 year old running around.  Example, right now he is trying to wiggle his way onto my lap saying "mommy" at this very moment in time.  That would also explain some other typos in this post because for half of it his head was in my way so I was unable to see the all.  He gets his big head from me. 

Oh and I forgot to add:: If you get started on Phentermine remember to eat. It will curb your appetite so much that you will not ever be hungry, but if you want it to work you have to remember to eat at least three times a day, and make them meals.  Otherwise when you stop taking the meds the pounds will pack back on and you will be even worse off than before.

Happy Dieting!!!