Saturday, November 26, 2011

Baaa baa black sheep

I am at a loss for words. Not entirely but I am a little stunned by my dads family. I am not sure how I became the black sheep of the family or how I am labeled a whore and a mooch by people who haven't had s real conversation with me since before I graduated high school.
I know every family has their drama but the amount mine has shown in the last 24 hours is beyond embarrassing. So I going to set the record straight.

Let me start by saying that yes, my mother received a small inheritance when her father passed away. My mother bought a piece of land and she spoke to her dad about it regularly my parents were in the process of getting a construction loan when we received the news that my grandpa died. All that money did was make her budget more limited. Because they used that money instead if the loan they were already approved for. My point is for anyone to insinuate anything derogatory about that is just plain cruel. We would give anything for my grandpa to still be here. Money is not worth not having him. Let's not forget her dad died and that's how that money came about. I know I an repeating myself but it's an important factor and people seem to forget.

Next point: me being a whore and everyone being better than me. I am not sure I this one got started. I am far from a whore, I am probably one of the most prude people you will ever meet. I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 17 years old. And since then my number hasn't gone up that high. For the record I have only had sex with three people. One being my high school boyfriend, another being my sons father, the next being the man I married. Not a long list at all. So as for me being a whore... I think not.

Another thing that has been constantly. Brought up is my relationship with my grandma. I don't see how it's anyones business. It's not like km calling her and harassing her. I just don't speak to her unless I am spoken to. Whenever she comes around I am pleasant I don't see why they just can't let things go.

I am only 23 years old. Most of the things they judge me for happened years ago. Not very fair. I was a child. I sorry that things got out of hand last night. Although I only used one foul name but was called more than I can count, I apologize for that.

I have spent a lot of time praying to God for strength when it comes to he cruelties of this family, even the strong have a moment of weakness. I will not apologize for many of the entire conversation. I am only apologizing for the name calling.

Like I stated earlier I have no idea how at such a young age my family truly hates me. But for any of you reading this please take note: it doesn't matter how much good you do, or how much you try to stick to the positive. You will never be able to please everyone. Don't let that stop you from doing great things. No matter your background you can always change yourself for a better future.

Final thought :: don't forget to carry some extra change at all times for the bell ringers of the salvation army. Also if you have some extra cash on top of that get one a hit chocolate it's getting cold outside. It is not to late to sign up to volunteer with the Arkansas food bank with me for January 14th. We are going to have so much fun!

"all things have a weak point. What matters is you bounce back quickly and do something good to make you even more strong. Hatred is never the answer. Shower with love"

Monday, November 21, 2011

If you aren't the type to slow dance in the living room...then you aren't my type

When I was around 7 I started making a list of things I wanted in a husband.  One thing that topped that list was slow dancing to something like an old George Strait song while he sings the lyrics softly in my ear.  To me, that just seems like the most sweet moment. 

The thing I have learned about myself over the years is, I like southern boys.  More than like I looooove southern boys.  I love the values they have, the hunting, fishing, loving their mama's. Aren't afraid of getting dirty.  Working on things with their bare hands. Flannel...the whole nine yards.  It is just irresistible to me.  There is something about a southern boy.  They don't care what people think, they are crazy, fun, and they know how to have a good time. I'm getting all oozy just thinking about it.  Surprisingly I've never really dated one. 

You know how raps songs say things about wanting a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed?  My fascination with men is pretty similar...except a little opposite.  I want the tough guy in public, the one that no body messes with. The one that takes no crap off of anyone.  But at home I want the man that will come up behind me in the kitchen, grab me and start dancing with me, even if there is no music playing. He will sing in my ear the lyrics.  He will look at me like I am the only woman alive at that moment.  I would never have to worry about any woman stealing him b/c he is all about me.  He knows he couldn't do any better and he doesn't want to.  When I get mad he doesn't fight back.  He just smiles and thinks to himself that I am so cute when I get angry.  Like the Eli Young band song, Crazy Girl.  The thought of leaving me never crosses his mind.  He never tries to make me angry, he thinks I am funny. Not the kind of funny where it makes me even more mad but the funny where he loves my little quirks.  Where he knows I can be a little fireball and he loves it.  He never gets angry with me for long.  When he is angry he doesn't yell.  He never calls me names, he never says anything mean to me.  He encourages me to go out with my girlfriends and volunteers to watch the kids.  He loves to spend time with them.  He acts as though Hayden is completely his.   He calls him buddy, he never yells at him, he encourages him to try new things, to not be scared of failing.  He teaches him how to ride a bike, and when you fall to get back up and shake it off and just keep rolling.  He makes sure Hayden knows that even though is dad is absent someone cares for him just as though he was his dad.  He surprises me at work with a vase of Calalillies.  He tells me to get dressed up fancy and takes me out for dinner..  He calls up my parents to chat, he goes fishing with my dad helps my mom with the dishes on family nights.   I never want to feel as though I have to do something for him, I want to, want to do things for him.  I want a man who will hold me during sad movies as he tries to cover up laughing at me for crying.  Is that to much to ask?

I can afford to be picky.  Once you have dealt with the crap I have then you realize, if you can't have the things you want in a companion...then it's OK to just be alone.  I am not going to cave.  I want my southern man.  One day I will get him, and if I don't...that's OK too.  B/c at least I will have my self respect, integrity, and my awesome friends to get me through.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Tis the season


There is something magical about the holidays.  All the way from the pretty lights, snow lined buildings, shiny ornaments hanging on the tree, to the bell ringing salvation army folks outside every store from here to where ever.  Christmas is a wonderful time of year.  I can't help but to smile at a few more strangers, be a little more kind, and just be overall more happy. 

I hate to be one of those dreaded people who get over excited about Christmas far to soon...but I am.  Guilty.  I love it. I am a person who celebrates Christmas in July, I listen to Christmas music in May, October, or whenever I need a little cheer.  I enjoy Christmas Movies all through out the year.  I have yet to ever visit a Church on this day that is my goal for this year.  Hayden will get my love of Christmas but he will also learn the true meaning of Christmas and the CHRIST in Christmas. 

So as we all brace for the holidays lets not forget what it's all about.  Christmas is the season for unconditional love.  The love our Father had for us.  To give us his child, to let his child live amongst us knowing how he would be treated, sacrificing his son, for us, for we are the future.  Before you get all scrooge-like and scream Bah-Humbug at me for getting excited at the beginning of November I ask you, how many of us know someone who has been pregnant and for months has been eagerly anticipating the arrival of their bundle of joy?  We all know at least 5 people right off hand.  The anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ is approaching and I am excited. 

It is true, when you are younger Christmas is nothing more than a vacation from school and a holiday where you get to open a lot of cool presents.  Or at least for me it was.  I never understood the religious sentiment behind the holiday, I am going to make sure that Hayden does.  It's OK for him to believe in Santa Claus and have some fun with the holiday, I am a parent and I do love Christmas. But he will know that it's more than just a fat man in a red suit hopping down chimneys. 

See that ^ Now is the time of year many of you are purchasing new winter coats for everyone in your family.  Instead of letting your closet look like this, donate them.  There are to many people out there who need things.  So instead of letting your old winter clothes pile up in your closet, or packing them away knowing that you will probably not wear them next winter either...donate them.  To many children and adults go without for us to hold on to things we know we won't use.  You can donate them to your local Salvation Army, if you don't know where to find one (knowing that it's Christmas time and they are everywhere) get in touch with me, I will meet you some where and I will deliver your coat for you. 

Both of these places are great for donations.  And you can always claim the tax write off.

So this year please don't fear the red buckets, don't walk in the other door trying to avoid them.  Dig in the bottom of your purse, your pockets, in your coat and give a few cents or dollars to a worthy cause.  You know they are going to be there, it's no surprise so keep spare change on you.  People will follow your lead and in turn they will donate too and maybe this year people everywhere will have a better winter.

************The Container Store in LR off of University is having a Coat Drive now thru December 31st.  You can drop any old coats off there, if you don't want to drive that far, call me************

Once a Scumbag...

      Good day my loves!  It has been a while. I've been at a loss for words, as with everything there is so much I have wanted to write about, but I couldn't collect my thoughts enough to put them on here.  Lets face it, I am no Carrie Bradshaw :) Life has been good.  Normal woes but hey what do you expect from me?
      I never thought I would be a "conservative" parent.  In a lot of ways I don't guess I will be.  I have caught myself lately changing the radio station due to the music playing while my son is in the car.  Having conversations with other parents I never thought I would have.  It's strange that moment you realize that you aren't the parent you always thought you would be.  I think whatever kind of parent I am it is going to be great for Hayden. I just never pictured myself being the parent who censored anything...
        My mom informed me that my sister had no intentions of joining the family for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  This upset me greatly.  For those of you who know my sons past, know that holidays are a very big deal to me.  I did not spend thousands of dollars in a court room for everyone not to be there on my holidays (which as you also know have turned into me every year :) ) I am just so upset because so much in his life has been inconsistant. So much family has crapped out on him.  I was hoping that mine would always come together for at least 3 days out of the year.  Put their differences aside, and just be a happy family for 3 days out of the year.  Is it so much to ask?  I am pretty peeved about the whole thing.  I just don't understand how someone could be so childish as to take their personal feelings and opinions out on a child.  It's unfair.
       I am almost completely done shopping for Haydens Christmas.  I now need to go get his picture taken and start stocking up on frames to give as gifts.  The joy of being a parent is people are excited to get pictures of your offspring.  I won't lie, I am pretty thrilled that some stores are already playing christmas music.  It makes me happy!
       As with all my blog I must turn to the men.  So here goes.  I am still on my sabatical.  I have learned a few things these two months that I have been on it also.  Men are pigs and everything happens for a reason.  For example, just because I had a crush on you in JR. High and you had one on me in SR high doesn't mean I am going to meet you for a lunch time rendevous and get jiggy with it in your truck ok.  What would your pregnant wife think?  I am worth so much more than that, always will be.  I don't know if guys just assume because you are a single mother that you have no self respect or self worth and that you "need" them.  Well buddy, I have plenty of both and I need no man.  If I can't do it myself it doesn't need to be done. 
       Today is November 5, 2011.  My main goal for the day is to make sure I take Hayden to visit the potty every hour.  We are going to chill at the house, clean up, watch tv, and really crack down on the potty training business.  Much love to you all.  And remember: NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.  I believe Elenore Roosevelt or someone like that said matter who said it, take it with you and live it.  You are beautiful, you are worth it, if a man doesn't see that then don't waste your time.  Also, men don't change.  Once a scumbag...always a scumbag.

                                Love ya!