Monday, November 12, 2012

My advice pool-e

Just like you can't judge a relationship by the end result. Many people, including myself, see a happily married couple and begin to drool with envy. It's so easy to overlook what a couple has been through compared to where they are. The truth is many of them have struggled to get where they are. Falling in love, forming a lasting relationship, building a marriage, it all takes work that is easy to look over.
My best friend has a wonderful marriage and a husband that really is her other half. I won't put all her business out there but it wasn't an overnight journey to achieve that. They had problems, but they built on them . When I look for a partner, I often use her relationship as a reference point. The problem with this is I look at the right now, not the whole story. I want the perfect match and soul mate from the start off.
Also, what some will put up with in a relationship, others won't. How do we decide who is worth fighting for and who isn't? Here are a few things I have learned from my many failed relationships. Hopefully you will learn from them too.

1. If you say or think it will fail, it will.
I am notorious for saying phrases like "your next girlfriend" or "if you keep me around", although sometimes I am joking many others I'm not. I am fishing. From what I've noticed...never a good move.

2. If you've been dating them for less than two months and they start talking about spending forever with you...don't believe it. This happens so much now days. At two months you don't even know each other. How can someone want to spend forever with you if they haven't even spent the night? Which brings me to my next point.

3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have sex with them until you have been in an exclusive relationship for at least 90 days. Trust me, if a notch on his belt is what he's after he won't wait that long. As Steve Harvey puts it, you don't qualify for benefits at work until 90 says so you shouldn't give benefits until then.

4. Don't settle. In the beginning of every relationship you notice things you don't like about a person, they often get overlooked for various reasons. Stop that. Go with your gut, if it tells you something isn't right then it's not. When you overlook their flaws they get the upper hand and you end up heart broken.

Every relationship is different. Does that mean these simple rules will work for you? No, but it wouldn't hurt to try them. These are a few mistakes that I have made in my relationships. More to come because I have made so many.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Act like a lady, think like a man.

If there is one thing I can emphasize to all the women out there who are dating it is read all the self help books you can. Don't follow them verbatim but it is beneficial to at least read them. My two personal favorites are: He's Just Not That Into You and Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. Both have been made into movies for your viewing pleasure.
I say that reading these are important because, although every relationship is different and their are a few exceptions to the rule, most of us do fit into the category of the rule. One thing that both of those books stress is to trust your gut. Many of us (most) don't listen to this. I know I am guilty of it every time I date. You get that feeling where they do something you don't like and you look past it as maybe it will change or maybe it's not what you's always what you think.
In Steve Harvey's book he stresses the fact that you cannot change a man. A man will only change for one woman and chances are if you are unhappy, you're not the woman.
One thing I have personally learned about myself is that I date jerks. I have discovered the reasoning behind it as well. I don't think I deserve guys that have a lot to offer. If they own their own house, have a degree, a decent job, I feel as though I am not good enough. Which in reality those are the guys I should aim for. The more reason women date jerks is they don't think high enough about themselves. Well it's time I start thinking more of myself. Start seeing me how others see me.
I am letting my friends pick my dates from now on. This should be interesting. I will blog about the adventures.