Another birthday came and went for my baby boy. I can't believe that he has reached 4 so quickly. It seems like yesterday that he was a 6 lb baby who needed me to take care of his every need. Now, he has found independence, which I know is a good thing. Everyday my love for him grows so much more. Everyday he teaches me something new about life. He is my breath of fresh air.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
2013 PT 1
Another birthday came and went for my baby boy. I can't believe that he has reached 4 so quickly. It seems like yesterday that he was a 6 lb baby who needed me to take care of his every need. Now, he has found independence, which I know is a good thing. Everyday my love for him grows so much more. Everyday he teaches me something new about life. He is my breath of fresh air.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
The snowball effect
It occurred to me tonight that no matter what life throws at me, I'm gonna be ok. You may have noticed a trend in this blog. It is a lot of me saying uplifting things to myself...repeatedly. This entry will be no different.
While watching tv tonight, I noticed a faint snoring sound coming from the other end of the sofa. It appeared as though my little monster had given up on this day and succumbed to slumber. I went over to pick him up and he wrapped his little arms around my neck. The complete blind faith that he had in me to get him safely from point a, the couch, to point b, his bed, was not lost in me. This caused me to think about the last time that I trusted someone some blindly and with so much faith.
This thought, as with many others, always creates a snowball effect on self discoveries. A friend, who meant no harm at all, also helped me realize something. The jist of our conversation was that my first response to hearing relationship problems is a "no nonsense" type. If someone makes a mistake, if there is a major fight, if anything occurs I am the type that says screw it and moves on...which isn't always a bad thing. Mixed with the lack of blind faith and trust though...it poses a problem.
Had I put a little more effort, gave it a little more time, would any of my previous relationships still be current? I honestly hope not. It does make one wonder though. In life, I believe, that everything you do creates an alternate path. There Is the one choice you made and the next that you didn't. An alternate universe if you will. Which poses the question, what would alternate universe me be like? Would she be married? Would she have a child? Would she wonder about how spectacular her life would have been if she made the opposite choice?
There are few decisions in my life that I regret, but they do exist. My life has been no walk in the park and it continues to have its share of shitty situations. Which brings me to the first line in this entry, no matter what life throws at me I'm going to be ok. We can choose to live in the "what if's" and think about every single way that we have failed or we haven't tried hard enough...but there are rarely any do-overs in life. You kinda just have to take what you've got, the sitiation that you have, and just roll with it.
I may be a 25 year old single mom who has yet to finish her college degree. Who has yet to find the man of her dreams. Who has yet to become fully comfortable in her own skin...but I'm ok with that.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
The ugly truth
There is very little more annoying than looking at old pictures and seeing all the damage you have done to yourself. For me it is especially difficult because I am having to lose the same weight that I lost a mere two years ago. When I first began this blog I was a cheat. I took adepex and that is how I lost all that weight, well here I am two years later with nearly all of it back. The moral of that is it is true what they say...diet and exercise is the only sure way to lose weight and keep it off.
I'm not referring to dieting until the weight comes off, I mean an entire life style change. This year for Christmas I have allowed myself to be a little on the selfish side. I have purchased Turbofire and the entire Zumba program.
With the help of some friends and a new outlook on it, I am going to rid myself of this extra weight once and for all. I have no intention of ever seeing the scale with those numbers ever again. Which leads me into my firat proposition...
After the first of the year, I am tossing my scale. It is a mean little device that has only one purpose in life and that is to reduce confident, strong, and beautiful people into self-loathing jerkfaces. I use the term jerk-face out of love...because honestly, that is what we become. We get focused on the number and we get downright hateful to our bodies. These amazing things that turn caloric intake into fuel to keep us going, that absorbs vitamin D from pure sunlight, our bodies are works of art.
I am probably one of the worst people in my life. No one holds a candle to how I talk to myself. I am disrespectful, ungrateful, resentful, and more than one kind of degrading. If I spoke to someone. else the way that I spoke to myself...I could not only get my ass kick, but surly someone would press charges. Why do you think we do that? No one has ever told me I was to fat, except for me.
To be honest, I can count the number of times someone (not including myself) has made negative remarks about my weight on my hands. Out of 25 years, those are pretty good numbers. Most people tend to tell me that I am beautiful, that I am amazing, and that they wish they could have some one of my features. Yet, negative Nancy that I am, I constantly beat myself up over this bodily dismorphia that I have created inside.
Every year I make the exact same resolution: to lose weight and to love myself...obviously I have failed everytime becuase I am still going to that goal. This year will be different though, because I have all of you. My main support. The ones who lift me up when I fall down. The ones who shower me with compliments when all I want to is hide in a dark room where no one can see me and most importantly for you that refuse to let me wallow in self pity and move me to get up and be the person that you all fell in love with.
A friend once told me that I inspired her to be fabulous. It is one of the greatest compliments that I have ever received. I, myself, have forgotten what it feels like to think yourself fabulous. In 2014 I am going to remember, this isn't just about fitting into a smaller pant size or the size of my cheeks when I smile, its about falling in love with myself. It's about inspiring people to feel fabulous. It's about leaving a positive influence to the world. It's about loving the skin yhat you are in.
I plan on blogging more during the upcoming year, holding myself more accountable. Charting my progress, and showing people that if I can do Iran, anyone can. In my personal life I agve had to demonstrate my strength on moreover than one occasion. I can do this. So long as I want to, I can accomplish anything.
Xoxo
***authors note: this entry was written via my cell phone. If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors then I wouldn't be surprised. I don't have auto correct, just annoying predict-a-text, and these buttons are rather small.****
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Why I refuse to be pinkwashed this year
Call me bitter if you will, and maybe I am. Do the math. Lets just say that to register for the race it will cost you 25 dollars. Multiply that by say...25,000 people that is over 600,000 dollars for just that. Not to mention all the fundraising those 25,000 people may do plus the merchandise on sale. So from one race, just ONE race the Susan G komen foundation pulls in nearly 1 million dollars. Now multiply that by the number of races they have and I ask you...where is this money going? After all these years are they any closer to finding a cure?!
Like I said, I'm bitter. What about all the other aggressive and deadly cancers?! Ovarian and colon to just name a few. Why do we not have bigger fundraisers for them? Instead of a breast cancer walk why do we not just have a cancer walk?! Furthermore...St.Jude. why do we not willingly shell out billions of dollars a year to them?! I donate regularly to the hospital, because they dont sugar coat where the money goes. You know that when you give money to St. Jude it is so that a parent at the worst time in their life doesn't have to worry about a single expense while their child is there. The money that goes for Susan G Komen won't be there for me if I ever get breast cancer.
Breast cancer awareness is very important. I agree. What I don't agree with is how they seem to have the monopoly over cancer research funds. Why can't we work together to obliterate cancers of all kinds? It took doctors less than a week to find the healing remedy for a fast acting bacterial menegitus and save a girl. Less than a week. So in all these years an entire team hasn't been able to figure out cancer? I just dont buy it anymore.
If you have had or currently have breast cancer I do feel for you, and I know that the support that is felt from races like this is very uplifting to someone who has been there. I get it. I just don't get why we haven't heard a breakthrough yet. Why people are still dying? Why awareness isnt being brought to more? Why mammograms are being pushed back to every few years and the same with paps? I just dont understand. And dont you dare blame It on obamacare bc that will only solidify the ignorance of the American people.
I do hope you all have a grand time, but be sure to ask yourself if you know where your money is really going.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Finding Cinderella by Colleen Hoover
In this book we learn a little more about Daniel and Six; who are Skye and Holders best friends. This book could be read as a stand alone, but you will feel more connected with the Characters if you read Hopeless and Finding Hope first. Ok so lets dive in!
The first chapter gives us the background for the book. It is where you fiest fall in love with Daniel. In Finding Hope you already kind of love him for what he does for Holder in the Cafeteria (if you haven't read it, seriously...you should) but the way he is there for her when he has no idea who she even is? ! There is just something spectacular about that.
Skip forward to where they first officially meet. They dont know that they've already met a year ago. I dont want to give to much away. Its one of those books that isnt to long so you breeze through it. Unlike a lot of novellas you dont feel rushed though. It gives you just enough to where you are satisfied, but with all of Colleens books you want more.
This woman is an amazing writer. I may be a tad bit biased though because Hopeless was my first kindle book. In any case she puts so much humor and feels in her books that you connect almost immediately with the characters. With Finding Cinderella there were plenty of times that I literally laughed out loud. The moment he is telling Holder and the dinner gang that he and Six are dating. He talks about the fact that she fist bumped him and its not his fault he fell for her because she fist bumped him. He had no choice. I mean, it was hilariously cute.
This is one of those books where you will catch yourself smiling like a moron, wiping away a few tears, and getting completely blown away. You will fall in love with Daniel. You will fall in love with his family. But most of all this book only helps you fall in love with Colleen Hoovers writing even more. If you haven't read any other of her books be prepared because you will be hooked and you will read more.
So go download it today. It's FREE! So even if you haven't traveled through Skye and Holders story with the rest of us you can jump aboard with Finding Cinderella.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Into my advice pool we dive
My story is one of finding myself and finding love. Everyday that I log on to Facebook I can either let my jealousy destroy me, I can show my ass, or I can hit the like button and let it die. It seems like for the last few months straight, every time I log on someone is either newly engaged, planning their wedding, or their wedding pictures are being posted. Now, I am truly happy for each and every person, but part of me wonders, "Why not me?". That isn't their fault though, so instead of letting bitterness take over, I tap my finger on the thumbs up and send a congratulations...because I do like it and I do wish them the best.
What brings up todays blog is the many of you that let the hatred of others happiness build, those of you who only keep people around when they are down and when they get raised up you bail. I cannot count how many of you flock to those when they struggle, only to abandon them when life is good. I see you. The person you flock to may not see your true intentions...but I do. I. See. You.
If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all...that is a phrase that our parents and teachers have been instilling in our memories since we learned to write our own name. Yet....it is the one we least follow. I have learned that on the internet it is so much worse. People tend to think that if they are behind the safety of their computer screen they can let their inner demon out. The person on the other end of that screen is still a person. They have feelings. Even if you've never met them before, they matter and they hurt with every vial word you say.
So when you see something and you have nothing nice to say about it...keep scrolling. Don't make an ass out of yourself and try to ruin someone's happiness. We need to lift others up, not fight tooth and nail to bring them down. I challenge you all to be NICE this week. When you feel the need to voice a negative opinion on something that someone says...don't. When you want to comment or send messages saying that they are undeserving...don't. Maybe, now I am a huge believer in the Karma, Maybe by your bitterness your happiness is wavering. By your rudeness to others, the cosmos are preventing you from feeling the happiness you are trying to destroy. If you want good, you much do good.
Remember that people aren't always as strong as they claim, even the most stable person can still let words cut through them. The words "you never know who may be fighting a harder battle than you" are completely true; and just because you are struggling...don't be an asshole.
Famous words of wisdom from yours truly: Don't be an asshole.
Live them, learn them, love them. Life is to short.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Thanks for the Memories
Saturday, June 1, 2013
30 things to do before I am 30
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The romance of a new year
When there is good there is bad. I will not dwell on that part of the year though. Everything that happens is a learning experience if you choose to see the lesson. I wrecked my car: bad. My divorce was final:good. I made the choice to begin dating again after a year long break...Good.
Of course, as you know from all my precious entries, I tend to get blinded by a pretty smile and good looks. The good thing about every dating experience you have is that it teaches you what you want, what you don't want, what you new to change, and so much more. I would like to thank the one person I dated last year, he reminded me that I am capable of letting someone in and deeply caring for someone. Also, that I am not immune from that burn of a chipped heart. It's refreshing to remember emotions that you blocked out for so long.
I am in love with the idea of love, but I refuse to be its victim. I have entered every relationship blindly. This year I plan to be prepared with the guards up a but. The relationship that I am most excited for this year, is the one I intend on forming with myself. My main goal this year is to fall in love with me.
For at least 14 years I have resented something about myself. Whether it be I am a bigger girl, my hair, my skin, my clothing, voice...whatever you name it . I have made judging myself and holding myself to a super high unrealistic expectation on what I think I should be. I am not, nor will I ever be a girl that can wear a bikini in public. So why should I want the body for one? Am I really trying to lose weight for me, or just because I think that men won't find me attractive?
This year I am going to cut myself a break. I am going to devote one day a week where I don't put on any make up or do my hair. I may even post a picture on Facebook every day because why not? Everyone sees me for what I really am, except for me. You all can clearly see that I am not a size 4. You can see that my face will always behold the chubby cheeks of my childhood. You can see that...so why do I feel the need to hide it? No clue, but it stops today. So here is to one entire year of makeup less Thursdays.
I have other resolutions but that is my main one. I think at this point in time it is the most important one.
I'm not sure what will happen during this upcoming year, I do know that I will take why I learned from my experiences last year and I will use them as a reference point for the current year and current situations. Maybe this will be the year of love for me, maybe it will be the year or me having a social life. Who knows, each new year is a new beginning. A new chance to do something different.
I may not know what to expect this year, but I do know this...by the end of this year I will be a better person. Mark my words.