I have this pattern. It leads me to crappy men. I promised myself on my last birthday that I wouldn't get in a relationship, so far I've been dancing on the line. The thing is that guys are a waste of time. A friend of mine face me some great insight. He is very driven towards his goal right now and he is waiting on looking for a girlfriend. He wants to accomplish his goals first then worry about relationships later. Once upon a time I would have thought this concept was crazy and that people who do that will end up alone because they wasted time. Although some might, are they really unhappy? I mean whatever that goal was would have to be pretty important to them. So achieving it would be pretty spectacular. Maybe I need to make my goals my soulmate.
I am tired of trying and trying and then cruelty comes out. I want to better myself. I am not the person who just settles for good or ok. I want great even spectacular. I can't be with someone who is just satisfied with making it. I want them to constantly strive for better. There is alway room for improvement.
Sometimes I catch myself just daydreaming about the person I want to be. Then I get a little peeved at myself because what is stopping me?! I have come a very long way on the last few months. I have been working so hard, but something has been missing. A persons relationship with God is very personal. It is something that only that person and God can understand. My relationship with God has become more and more important to me recently. I want to be a strong spiritual role model for my son. I no longer want to be an empty vessel living from day to day. I want to be living for tomorrow: for what happens when I die. What heaven looks like.
Things in my life seem to have got more difficult a time goes on. The common factor in all of it is that Go was talking to me the whole time. I just wasn't listening. Well my ears are fully open now. And the eyes of my heart are open as well. I am ready to hand it all over. I'm tired of tying to figure it all put on my own. I am hanging all my problems over to God. He can either fix them or tell me how.
God will write my love story, maybe he already has. I just need to open my kind, my heart, and let God lead the way.