The first day of the year always holds so much promise, so many possibilities. It also holds so many failed attempts. All those resolutions you made the year before that never made it past March. Looking back over 2012, I had a pretty great year.
When there is good there is bad. I will not dwell on that part of the year though. Everything that happens is a learning experience if you choose to see the lesson. I wrecked my car: bad. My divorce was final:good. I made the choice to begin dating again after a year long break...Good.
Of course, as you know from all my precious entries, I tend to get blinded by a pretty smile and good looks. The good thing about every dating experience you have is that it teaches you what you want, what you don't want, what you new to change, and so much more. I would like to thank the one person I dated last year, he reminded me that I am capable of letting someone in and deeply caring for someone. Also, that I am not immune from that burn of a chipped heart. It's refreshing to remember emotions that you blocked out for so long.
I am in love with the idea of love, but I refuse to be its victim. I have entered every relationship blindly. This year I plan to be prepared with the guards up a but. The relationship that I am most excited for this year, is the one I intend on forming with myself. My main goal this year is to fall in love with me.
For at least 14 years I have resented something about myself. Whether it be I am a bigger girl, my hair, my skin, my clothing, voice...whatever you name it . I have made judging myself and holding myself to a super high unrealistic expectation on what I think I should be. I am not, nor will I ever be a girl that can wear a bikini in public. So why should I want the body for one? Am I really trying to lose weight for me, or just because I think that men won't find me attractive?
This year I am going to cut myself a break. I am going to devote one day a week where I don't put on any make up or do my hair. I may even post a picture on Facebook every day because why not? Everyone sees me for what I really am, except for me. You all can clearly see that I am not a size 4. You can see that my face will always behold the chubby cheeks of my childhood. You can see that...so why do I feel the need to hide it? No clue, but it stops today. So here is to one entire year of makeup less Thursdays.
I have other resolutions but that is my main one. I think at this point in time it is the most important one.
I'm not sure what will happen during this upcoming year, I do know that I will take why I learned from my experiences last year and I will use them as a reference point for the current year and current situations. Maybe this will be the year of love for me, maybe it will be the year or me having a social life. Who knows, each new year is a new beginning. A new chance to do something different.
I may not know what to expect this year, but I do know this...by the end of this year I will be a better person. Mark my words.