Just like you can't judge a relationship by the end result. Many people, including myself, see a happily married couple and begin to drool with envy. It's so easy to overlook what a couple has been through compared to where they are. The truth is many of them have struggled to get where they are. Falling in love, forming a lasting relationship, building a marriage, it all takes work that is easy to look over.
My best friend has a wonderful marriage and a husband that really is her other half. I won't put all her business out there but it wasn't an overnight journey to achieve that. They had problems, but they built on them . When I look for a partner, I often use her relationship as a reference point. The problem with this is I look at the right now, not the whole story. I want the perfect match and soul mate from the start off.
Also, what some will put up with in a relationship, others won't. How do we decide who is worth fighting for and who isn't? Here are a few things I have learned from my many failed relationships. Hopefully you will learn from them too.
1. If you say or think it will fail, it will.
I am notorious for saying phrases like "your next girlfriend" or "if you keep me around", although sometimes I am joking many others I'm not. I am fishing. From what I've noticed...never a good move.
2. If you've been dating them for less than two months and they start talking about spending forever with you...don't believe it. This happens so much now days. At two months you don't even know each other. How can someone want to spend forever with you if they haven't even spent the night? Which brings me to my next point.
3. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT have sex with them until you have been in an exclusive relationship for at least 90 days. Trust me, if a notch on his belt is what he's after he won't wait that long. As Steve Harvey puts it, you don't qualify for benefits at work until 90 says so you shouldn't give benefits until then.
4. Don't settle. In the beginning of every relationship you notice things you don't like about a person, they often get overlooked for various reasons. Stop that. Go with your gut, if it tells you something isn't right then it's not. When you overlook their flaws they get the upper hand and you end up heart broken.
Every relationship is different. Does that mean these simple rules will work for you? No, but it wouldn't hurt to try them. These are a few mistakes that I have made in my relationships. More to come because I have made so many.