If you couldn't tell I have been struggling with something to write about lately, I have had so much to say but no matter how many times I tried to collect my thoughts and put them together, it never worked out. So today, I just type. It will probably be even more scattered than my previous entries...and that's ok. I have to let it out.
I will be starting a new job on Monday, I am both excited and nervous. I have a lot at stake. It seems like you always do the more you age, you have children, bills, car payment, etc. It doesn't seem to ever slow down. I am excited because this is a career change for me. For the last 4 years I have been in the banking world, not that my new job won't involve some of the same things, it's a different career path and I am completely excited! I did, however, realize the comfort level that I have put myself in working at a bank. You get lazy, working at a bank. You don't keep a check register, you don't worry about where you put your debit card, you don't worry about stopping a payment Everything you need is at work with you every day. Starting Monday, I will be a "normal person". It is a scary thought...super scary.
Hayden has been a little under the weather. He has asthma and awful allergies. When both act up this mommy is living a nightmare! It's an terrible thing to see your child suffer, even though mine just suffers with simple things. It makes your heart rip open for those mothers whose children battle life threatening illness. Being a mother, the last thing you want to feel is defenseless. You want to be the rock. You want to be the one that is sick, not your child. There is one child that has been on my mind constantly in the last week or so. I have never met this little boy and I actually stumbled upon his facebook page on accident. If you have time please stop by, read his story, and just say a little prayer. He is on the way to recovery and is doing great.
Life is to short to be bothered with stupid people. I am a good mom. There has been so many things I have wanted to say on here but this is a public blog. But just know, My heart is breaking for my child. There are things that a mother cannot protect her own child from. These are things that can be prevented, unlike cancer or any other illness. The things you wish you could protect them from, kills you because you never thought that THIS is what you would have to deal with. Cancer is somewhere in the back of every parents mind. You can't fathom it, you don't understand it, but you know it can happen to any innocent child...this...this how am I supposed to deal with this situtation. My heart is broken, not out of saddness for myself. but sadness for my child and the questions he is going to have later in life that I dont' know how to answer. I don't know what to say b/c this...this is ridiculous.