Sunday, October 23, 2011

These are a few of my least favorite things..

1. Parents who claim every waking moment must be spent with your child or you are a bad parent. 
       Point in case:  Try to tell me otherwise that's fine but you will be lying to yourself and God if you said that you truly want to spend every waking moment with your child.  Admitting that you do want/need time away from them does not make you a bad parent.  Every parent needs a break from their children to be sane.  I mentioned this on someones facebook post and almost immediately someone was right under me trying to be all self righteous.  I enjoy spending time with my child, I love going places with him, I love being at home with him, I enjoy it all..I will not lie and say that the few chances I have to go out with a friend that he crosses my mind constantly, but I do enjoy the hour or two away from having to keep yelling "NO!" or "Get off that!" or something else that you have to constantly yell at a 2 year old for.  I honestly believe that parents, especially single parents need a few hours away from their child.  That is my story and I am sticking to it. 
       Keep in mind that I went no where without my child until he was around 2 years old.  I took him everywhere, cancelled plans because I didn't feel it was best to take him, I have spent 2 years up my child's ass to put it plainly.  I love spending time with him, but just because I have a child doesn't mean my life has to be only revolving around him.  He is a HUGE part of my life.  He takes up around 90 % of it.  Another 8% is taken by work and I have a 2% gateway for me time.  I went to a Race for the Cure event this weekend with a friend and I had a blast.  I didn't have to worry about my child getting lost in a crowd, or acting up, or any of that other stuff.  When I got home I was so ready to jump on the floor in his bedroom and start playing cars with him.  We both had a blast that day. He got quality grandma time, and I got some grown up non work conversation.  Majorly needed. 
      I am not saying to go out every weekend and party, but to have an occasional night out, morning out, lunch out, is healthy, for both of you.  Your child needs time away from you to de-stress and what not just as much as you need the hour or two away from them. 
2. Me
      I love myself, but I also truly dislike myself a lot of the time.  I have always prided myself on being and independent, self sufficient woman.  When the truth be told, I am nothing of the sort.  That is how every relationship I have ever been in has lead to awful choices.
         First real boyfriend, cheated on me, broke up with me for other girls repeatedly, and was awful.  Not saying all of it was his fault (the cheating was b/c there is nothing that can make someone at fault for that besides the one doing it)  Once he cheated on me once and broke up with me for the girl, trust issues became a huge problem.  I learned something about myself with that relationship though.  I can not be someone who stays with someone who cheats on me.  I may love someone whole hearted, but I know myself. And I know that I would make both of us miserable.  I am a pretty trusting person, but once my trust is broken it can't be repaired.  Knowing this about myself, I just couldn't do it.  My old boss and co worker tried to tell me that when it's the person God picks for you, you will be able to. But I can not agree.  God would not choose someone for me that would betray me and commit one of his most hated sins. 
       Second real relationship, I trusted him completely, We were good together until we weren't anymore.  Once we had our child things changed.  I went through my bought of undiagnosed post pardom depression and he wasn't understanding.  We were both at fault.  The thing I learned from that relationship was that communication is key.  No matter what is going on you have to have a line of communication or you both will be miserable.  Although events following our split have assured me that ending it was the best decision I made.  The way things have turned out now made me realize the lies that men will tell you and make you believe.  Anyone who can not be honest about their past you need to be worried about.  The past is nothing to hide from someone you say you love.  Even if the past may hurt them or it may embarrass you, it is not a reason to lie about it. 
       Third real relationship:  I don't really know what the hell I was thinking. The only positive out of that relationship is I got to change my name, so now my signature is prettier.  I was in a bad place.  Still upset and completely in love with number 2 and still dealing with PPD, it was a a real fog.  I know that It was all a lie.  He told me whatever I needed to hear.  Which had I not married him would have been ok.  But since I got looped into this fake world it all went to far.  I got caught up in the rebound and now I am back to square one. 
      To improve myself I have taken a vow that I would not enter any relationship in my 23rd year.  So far so good.  I have learned that I can do things by myself, I can be a woman who goes out, improves her career and gets herself back after having a child.  Many women never lose them, I did.  It took me a little longer to realize things that many of you already know.  But I have slowly started to become the me I always have wanted to be, and I must admit even though it has been a struggle every step of the way, I'm liking me even more now.
3. Unnecessary Rudeness
     I understand that certain circumstances call for a certain amount of rudeness, but the way people conduct the matter now is absurd!  I am so tired of rude drives, rude co-workers, rude friends, rude friends of friends, people who don't even know you being rude.  I am sick of it all.  I would like to take a moment and be rude myself.  Take the stick out of your ass and get over yourself.  Why can't people smile more, wave often, say hello, hold elevators, and be nice?  I don't care that you don't like me, I don't care that you are a better "friend" to a friend, I don't care if you are maid of honor, prince of wales, or the pope.  You need to respect people.  No one is trying to steal your glory, everyone is just trying to survive and make as many people as they can happy along the way.

So please remember, just because you need me time doesn't mean you are a bad parent, I have been working on me and I am getting better at it.  Everyone needs to be happy with themselves before they can be happy with someone else.  Always be nice to people, even if they don't deserve it.  You want to be the person people remember as being pleasant, a good person. Let them be rude, all it is doing is giving them wrinkles and bad hair.

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