Saturday, December 14, 2013

The snowball effect

It occurred to me tonight that no matter what life throws at me, I'm gonna be ok. You may have noticed a trend in this blog. It is a lot of me saying uplifting things to myself...repeatedly. This entry will be no different. 
While watching tv tonight, I noticed a faint snoring sound coming from the other end of the sofa. It appeared as though my little monster had given up on this day and succumbed to slumber. I went over to pick him up and he wrapped his little arms around my neck. The complete blind faith that he had in me to get him safely from point a, the couch, to point b, his bed, was not lost in me. This caused me to think about the last time that I trusted someone some blindly and with so much faith.
This thought, as with many others, always creates a snowball effect on self discoveries. A friend, who meant no harm at all, also helped me realize something. The jist of our conversation was that my first response to hearing relationship problems is a "no nonsense" type. If someone makes a mistake, if there is a major fight, if anything occurs I am the type that says screw it and moves on...which isn't always a bad thing. Mixed with the lack of blind faith and trust poses a problem.
Had I put a little more effort, gave it a little more time, would any of my previous relationships still be current? I honestly hope not. It does make one wonder though. In life, I believe, that everything you do creates an alternate path. There Is the one choice you made and the next that you didn't. An alternate universe if you will.  Which poses the question, what would alternate universe me be like? Would she be married? Would she have a child? Would she wonder about how spectacular her life would have been if she made the opposite choice?
There are few decisions in my life that I regret, but they do exist. My life has been no walk in the park and it continues to have its share of shitty situations. Which brings me to the first line in this entry, no matter what life throws at me I'm going to be ok. We can choose to live in the "what if's" and think about every single way that we have failed or we haven't tried hard enough...but there are rarely any do-overs in life. You kinda just have to take what you've got, the sitiation that you have, and just roll with it.
I may be a 25 year old single mom who has yet to finish her college degree. Who has yet to find the man of her dreams. Who has yet to become fully comfortable in her own skin...but I'm ok with that.

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