Saturday, December 7, 2013

The ugly truth

There is very little more annoying than looking at old pictures and seeing all the damage you have done to yourself. For me it is especially difficult because I am having to lose the same weight that I lost a mere two years ago. When I first began this blog I was a cheat. I took adepex and that is how I lost all that weight, well here I am two years later with nearly all of it back. The moral of that is it is true what they and exercise is the only sure way to lose weight and keep it off.
I'm not referring to dieting until the weight comes off, I mean an entire life style change. This year for Christmas I have allowed myself to be a little on the selfish side. I have purchased Turbofire and the entire Zumba program.
With the help of some friends and a new outlook on it, I am going to rid myself of this extra weight once and for all. I have no intention of ever seeing the scale with those numbers ever again. Which leads me into my firat proposition...
After the first of the year,  I am tossing my scale. It is a mean little device that has only one purpose in life and that is to reduce confident, strong, and beautiful people into self-loathing jerkfaces. I use the term jerk-face out of love...because honestly, that is what we become. We get focused on the number and we get downright hateful to our bodies. These amazing things that turn caloric intake into fuel to keep us going, that absorbs vitamin D from pure sunlight, our bodies are works of art.
I am probably one of the worst people in my life. No one holds a candle to how I talk to myself. I am disrespectful,  ungrateful, resentful,  and more than one kind of degrading.  If I spoke to someone. else the way that I spoke to myself...I could not only get my ass kick, but surly someone would press charges.  Why do you think we do that? No one has ever told me I was to fat, except for me.
To be honest, I can count the number of times someone (not including myself) has made negative remarks about my weight on my hands. Out of 25 years, those are pretty good numbers. Most people tend to tell me that I am beautiful,  that I am amazing, and that they wish they could have some one of my features. Yet, negative Nancy that I am, I constantly beat myself up over this bodily dismorphia that I have created inside. 
Every year I make the exact same resolution: to lose weight and to love myself...obviously I have failed everytime becuase I am still going to that goal. This year will be different though, because I have all of you. My main support. The ones who lift me up when I fall down. The ones who shower me with compliments when all I want to is hide in a dark room where no one can see me  and most importantly for you that refuse to let me wallow in self pity and move me to get up and be the person that you all fell in love with.
A friend once told me that I inspired her to be fabulous. It is one of the greatest compliments that I have ever received.  I, myself, have forgotten what it feels like to think yourself fabulous. In 2014 I am going to remember, this isn't just about fitting into a smaller pant size or the size of my cheeks when I smile,  its about falling in love with myself.  It's about inspiring people to feel fabulous.  It's about leaving a positive influence to the world. It's about loving the skin yhat you are in.
I plan on blogging more during the upcoming year, holding myself more accountable.  Charting my progress, and showing people that if I can do Iran, anyone can. In my personal life I agve had to demonstrate my strength on moreover than one occasion.  I can do this. So long as I want to, I can accomplish anything.


***authors note: this entry was written via my cell phone. If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors then I wouldn't be surprised. I don't have auto correct, just annoying predict-a-text, and these buttons are rather small.****

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