Thursday, August 16, 2012

Keeper of the Stars

The most important day of my life is in just a few hours. (August 17th 9:57am)  I'm both excited and sad.  It seems so surreal that just 3 years ago I gave birth to the person who would change my entire life.  Words cannot explain how much that little boy means to me, not entirely.  I do believe that a single parents love for their child is much stronger than a married couples.  Now before all you married folks out there get your knickers in twist, allow me to explain.  I am both mother and father to my son.  Which means I have a mothers and a fathers love. Married parents don't have that kind of love.  They have one or the other because they have the other to fill what they cannot.  As a single parent you have to adapt and adjust to what your child isn't getting from the other parent.  Does this mean that married parents love their children less than single parents? Absolutely not!  That isn't what I'm saying at all.  I am merely stating that single parents have a different possibly deeper love for their children.  It has to be.  It has to be more, the child needs it.

I can remember my labor process almost perfectly, I will not go into it though.  But there is so much about that day that I will carry with me forever.  The moment the nurse placed Hayden on my stomach when he was first out of the womb and I said "Hi, baby" and he just stopped crying and we just stared at each other. 


That picture means so much to me.  It's a moment that every mother dreams of.  The first time you lay eyes on that beautiful little person who you have been growing and learning to love for the last 9 months.  It becomes real.  You can see their little eyes, their little noses, hold their little hands.  It's such a magical moment that I wish for every woman. 

At 9:57 am, August 17th 2009, my world was complete.  I held everything that I could ever possibly need in my arms.  This picture is how we have remained.  Mommy and baby, taking care of each other.  It hasn't been easy, but I am so glad I have had the experience.  It's not ideal, everyone wishes for the perfect family where they mommy and daddy are happily in love, two car garage, soccer practice, the whole nine yards...but for many women this is not the reality.  Their reality is working 40+ hours a week, driving over 30 miles away for work, having no social life, no love life, barely enough money to scrap by, and the happiest little smile waiting for them every day.
 



My reality is beyond what I could have ever thought.  I struggle, but in these last 3 years, I haven't regretted one moment with him.  That little boy is my world, my everything.  I don't need anything else so long as I have him.  My baby boy turns 3 tomorrow.  He is growing faster than my mind can comprehend.  This mommy has so many emotions that I can't even form a rational thought half the time. 

That little boy has been my light in a world of darkness.  I was never a wild person, but he keeps me grounded.  My eye is on the prize.  A child raises your standards on everything, or at least they should.  My cup runneth over. There are so many more memories to be made in our future, you can bet I look forward to them all.  The good, and the bad.  I am a different person now.  I'm a better person.






It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I don't deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew


Happy Birthday Baby
(a day early, but that's ok)

1 comment:

  1. Jen, this had me in tears!!! So beautifully written. I loved it :) Happy Birthday to yourlittle man and its obvious you are the best mom/dad to him :)

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