Thursday, July 5, 2012

Independence Day

Independence Day for me now symbolizes more than just American gaining Freedom from the British.  For me, Independence day is the day I realized that my marriage was a sham and I needed to get out.  It is the day I reclaimed my independence. 

My marriage was over before it even began.  In fact, it should have never began.  There were so many signs (I've talked about them in a previous post) that I should have just walked away.  I truly believe there comes a point in most womens lives when they become a mother, that they lose themselves.  It's like you are sitting in a large pool and you are treading water.  Without help or someone to throw you a floatie you get very tired and become desparate for something.  Unfortunately for me what I thought was a life vest was merely a 3 dollar floatie with a slow leak. 

The "mom-cycle" as I like to refer to it is the time in a young mothers life when everything she was before she had her baby, leaves.  For was I gained back all the weight I had lost after child birth, I grew my hair back out long and wore it up most the time,  got glasses I hated because they were cheap, stopped wearing make up...just stopped.  For those of you that really know me, you know that makeup is like a drug for me.  I believe that in order to do your best you must feel your best and make up makes you feel pretty.  I do my make up for me, not anyone else though.  You also know that I love my hair shorter, it just looks better.  I love my "emo" glasses and I don't want to be "fat".  I want to be the old fat me...which is slowly coming along.

This day one year ago was the day someone threw me a dependable life vest and my head was finally back above the water.  I could breathe again.  That's the moment I knew that I had to get out of the pool and bring me back.  It has been such a long journey.  Over the last year I have changed considerably. 

(TOP) This was a picture of me at Haydens Second birthday party.  Also pictured is my dear friend Naomi and her beautiful son Bryce.  I already had my hair cut in the picture but I was still so big.

(BOTTOM) This was about two months ago.  As you can see I have gained my independence. I have reclaimed myself.  I got away from the man smothering me and trying to force me into a person I didn't want to be.  I broke out of the "Mom" shell that so many women fall into after child birth.. I am finally reaching a point where i am happy about myself.  I am posting pictures of my self again.  That is huge!!

So however you celebrated Independence day, I hope you did something for yourself.  To ensure your independence as a woman, man, wife, husband, daughter, son...whatever titles you hold. I hope you found a little bit of the you that may have gotten lost or overshadowed by something.

Laters baby!

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